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Chapter 274 Side Story: The Make-Believe Tragic Heroine

Editor(s): Joker, Speedphoenix

She wailed in sorrow.

“Why… Why did this have to happen?”

Her question was met with silence.

“Please… open your eyes… please…! I beg you!”

She grabbed the thing and shook it by the shoulders. But despite her protests, nothing changed. It—he—would remain forever still.

“Why did this have to happen!? Why!? Say something, Yuki! Please!”

Tears trailed down the sides of her face. She sobbed, as she clung onto his lifeless corpse and expressed every bit of the profound misery assaulting her soul.

“What is it that the two of you are doing?”

Only to be interrupted by a bystander.

“Playing pretend.” I said, as I sat up.

“Pretending to be a tragic heroine!” said Illuna, at the same time.

“Can the two of you not engage in an activity that is more… normal?” The dragon girl’s dubious stare transformed into an exasperated sigh. “I see now that you are doing as described, but I fail to understand the role of all parties involved.” Her eyes turned to Shii.

“I’m the friend watching over her while she cries!” said the slime.

“…You are smiling in quite the cheerful manner for one witnessing such a heart wrenching scene.”

“That’s because I have to! If everyone else is sad, then I gotta be happy and help them cheer up!”

“I-I suppose…”

The look on Lefi’s face seemed to indicate that she had a thousand things to say, but she chose to back off in the face of the slime girl’s energetic, insistent response. Give it up, Lefi. Shii’s the biggest airhead around. You wouldn’t be able to get through to her even if you tried.

“You should join us!” said Illuna.

“I should do what?” asked Lefi, taken aback by the sudden suggestion.

“Join us! Let’s play make believe tragic heroine together!”

“Alrighty, let me make some quick changes to the script, and we can go for take two,” I said.

“Yay! Cheered Shii.

“I-I will have you know that I have not agreed to any of this…” Despite her protests, her complaints went unheard.

***

She wailed in sorrow.

“Why… Why did this have to happen?”

“I believe it was… woof woof.”

Her question was met with silence.

“Please… open your eyes… please…! I beg you!”

“Uhm… bark!”

She grabbed the thing and shook it by the shoulders. But despite her protests, nothing changed. It—he—would remain forever still.

“Why did this have to happen!? Why!? Say something, Yuki! Please! Anything! I just want to hear your voice one more time…”

Tears trailed down the sides of her face. She sobbed, as she clung onto his lifeless corpse and expressed every bit of the profound misery assaulting her soul.

“Bark bark!” said Lefi, before finally getting off her hands and knees. “…I request an intermission.”

“Something up?”

“Do not give me any of that! Is this not supposed to be the tale of a child confronted with despair? Why is it that the role I must play is one of a dog!?” The dragon girl, who had temporarily been converted to a canine through the use of a dog nose and matching ears, shouted in equal parts frustration, disbelief, and shame.

“I mean, the dude’s backstory is that he’s got a dog,” I said, in a matter-of-fact manner. “It just so happens that said dog happens to be a special kind of stupid. It’s so dumb that it’s managed not to realize that it’s owner is dead, so it’s barking at him ‘cause it wants to be fed. What’s not to understand?”

“I see no reason for his story to contain such detail!” Her face contorted with shock.

Heh. Jackpot. Jokes on you, Lefi. I only came up with this whole dumb scenario because I wanted to see that exact look on your face.

“Well I mean, we can switch it up a bit if you really aren’t feeling it. How about this, we can make the dog loyal, and it can mourn its owner’s death alongside the heroine. Alright?”

“…I would prefer not to.” She sighed. “I apologize for mocking your game. You must allow me to take on a different role.”

“Wow… talk about selfish,” I looked at the other two actors with an exaggerated shrug, as if to say I had no idea what to do with her. “Well girls, it looks like she’s trying to string us along. What do you say? Either of you mind swapping roles?”

“I want to be the doggy!” said Shii.

“If she’s changing, then I’m changing too,” said Illuna. “You can be the heroine, Lefi, and I’ll be the friend watching over you!”

“Looks like we’re all set,” I said. “Take three, let’s go!”

“I regret raising my voice… I should have refrained from questioning the game’s content,” said Lefi, in a whisper.

Yup. You totally brought this upon yourself.

***

She wailed in sorrow.

“Uhm… Err…” Lefi stumbled over her words for a few moments, but attempted (poorly) to cover it up by clearing her throat. “…Your death was pathetic and entirely in vain. But I do not find it undeserving.”

Her statement was met with a snort. Oh god. That line was so ridiculous it caught me totally off guard.

“…I am beginning to doubt my assessment of your condition,” said Lefi.

“Yeah, Yuki! Dead people aren’t supposed to snort!” said Illuna.

“Yeah!” agreed Shii.

“My bad, my bad. I just really wasn’t expecting her to say that,” I said.

After a few final spasms, the man’s corpse once again lay still. The girl placed a hand on the now truly deceased individual’s ice cold cheeks and slowly—gently—caressed it.

“Why has it come to this?” she said, tearfully. “All of your limbs have been removed, and your entrails have been wrenched apart and consumed. It was a miserable death, and one not of necessity…”

Again, the man snorted.

“You would do best to play your own role well before seeking to criticize others, Yuki,” said Lefi.

“You’re saying it like it’s my fault! How am I supposed to keep quiet with you just randomly adding stuff? And needlessly gory stuff, at that.”

Like, all this is really starting to beg the question of how and why the man ended up dying to begin with.

“You have no right to claim my additions needless. It was you who fleshed out the dog’s past, was it not? I am fully aware that there was not a need for such a role to begin with!”

“That’s not true!” said Shii. “The doggy is very important!”

“That is a statement that you have only made as a result of your desire to wear the props associated with the role,” said Lefi.

“Oops! I was trying to keep that a secret!” giggled the slime, in an embarrassed manner.

Damn. She’s so cute her drill could probably pierce the heavens.

“Alright, you know what, clearly, our two roles are the problem,” I said. “So here’s how we’ll fix this. You can be the corpse boy, and I can be the sad girl. Capiche?”

“…I believe that to be an unfitting set of roles, but very well.”

“Alright, fourth time’s the charm,” I said. “Ready, set, action!”

***

(S)he wailed in sorrow.

“Why… Why did this have to happen?”

“Bark, bark, sad bark…”

“Please… open your eyes… please…! I beg you!”

“Eep!?”

The girl let out a quiet, but audible squeal as a pair of hands suddenly made contact with the sides of her stomach.

“Wait, is it just me, or did she just move?” I looked around. “I’m pretty sure moving is the one thing corpses aren’t supposed to do.”

“Do not blame me! The fault is yours!”

“You’re not supposed to move, Lefi. You’re dead!” said Illuna.

“Yup! Very dead!” repeated Shii.

“Ughhhhhh….”

The girl was distraught. Her complaints had been silenced by the hero(ine)’s friend and dog. But with no other choices remaining to her, she returned to being nothing but an inanimate corpse.

“I’m so sad,” I said in an intentionally unfitting, upbeat tone. “I can’t believe something like this happened to someone so important to me.”

Despite her best attempts to remain silent, the girl began gasping in an almost sensual manner as the hero(ine) continued to fondle her body inappropriately with one hand while grabbing a nearby object and popping off its lid with another.

“I’m so, so sad I think I’m going to have to sharpie your face to help me get over it.” The hero(ine) acted as (s)he spoke, and doodled all over the corpse’s face.

“Sh-sharpie!? Yuki!!” Her eyes shot open as she came back to life. “Were those not permanent!?” She sat straight up and began touching her face as she addressed the hero(ine).

“Wow, I’m surprised you actually remembered. Yup, you’re right. They’re totally permanent, and won’t come off even if you wash ‘em.”

“You imbecile! Why would you use such a thing on my face!? And why are your senseless scribbles all over it!? How am I supposed to see this removed!?”

“Don’t worry, Lefi, I’ve long decided to love you forever, no matter what how you end up looking any number of years down the line.”

“I will not allow myself to be fooled by your sweet whispers!”

And so, the girl began squabbling with the hero(ine). Seeing this, her friend and her dog exchanged glances.

“I don’t really think this tragic heroine game is going to work anymore…” said Illuna.

“Me neither. Let’s go outside instead!” said Shii.

“Good idea! Let’s go!”

And so, the girl’s friend and dog moved on and sought greener pastures in which to entertain themselves.