BXBX NOVEL Chapter 23.3
“Y-you idi—what are you doing?! You’re supposed to only give blessings to people who are about to set off on a journey!”
“Is that so?”
“Y-yeah! You should carefully listen to Marie’s teachings—nngh!”
Alfred pecks me on the lips this time.
He does it so suddenly that it leaves me stunned. For a moment, I stiffen.
Alfred seems to interpret it as me giving consent, and presses his lips onto mine once again.
He tilts his face, deepening the kiss, then licks my lips and tongue in a caressing manner.
As he steepens the angle even more, a shiver runs through my back.
“Nghh, mm…”
I pound and push against his chest but the longer the kiss continues, the more strength that is sapped out of me. I scold my weakening body. Eventually, I somehow manage to put a gap between us, and our lips finally separate.
“…Fwah, s-stop it! Stupid! Idiot! W-why did you kiss me so suddenly?!”
I shoot Alfred the sharpest glare I can muster, but he doesn’t look intimidated at all. On the contrary, he only smiles. He isn’t reflecting over his actions at all.
Actually, don’t even mention reflecting. He’s already closing in on me for another kiss.
Aware of his intentions, I turn my face to the side and avoid his approach. I can feel his dissatisfaction, but I pretend not to notice it. Seriously, what’s with the sudden kisses? Did I provoke him!?
“I said stop it already! Lowendal will be arriving soon—” Something soft touches my earlobe, causing me to tremble. “Ah…”
They’re his lips, I realize. Then his lips slide down to my neck.
I was too hasty. After succeeding on protecting my lips once, I lowered my guard, so he caught me unprepared.
Ahh, seriously!
I feel like the frequency of Alfred’s bold touches has been increasing a lot… This is very bad for my heart.
I know that I’m partially responsible, but still!
On that day Alfred asked me to stay by his side for the rest of our lives, I… I couldn’t bring myself to refuse him.
So I just… h-hugged him back.
Whenever I remember what happened at that time, I get the urge to hit my head and give up on myself.
He definitely thinks that that was an ‘OK.’ I’m sure of it.
His words sound like a proposal to me, but maybe I misunderstood his intentions?
I don’t know the answer to that. In any case, my response back then… wasn’t very appropriate. That’s for certain.
Because in the future, there’s that person.
The ‘Holy Maiden,’ who will appear before Alfred in the future.
A part of me is saying there’s no way I can win against the heroine, and that I should give up while the resulting pain is still going to be shallow.
After all, my love rival is someone who will constantly be by the protagonist’s side until the very end… You can even call her Alfred’s ‘fated companion.’
There’s no way his heart won’t be shaken after meeting her.
After all, as one can see from the regular plot, they will fall in love at first sight.
Sticking to the original turn of events is the best case for Alfred. In fact, it’s stranger for him to like the guy who only has a small rival role in the beginner village.
For this reason, I’m unable to erase that part of me that believes I shouldn’t want for anything more than this.
Alfred once told me that I could change the future myself. But no one can tell what’s inside a person’s heart, and no one can force their feelings to change.
If Alfred likes the heroine, but ends up taking my feelings into consideration and gives up on her…
I definitely won’t be able to forgive myself.
He shouldn’t force himself to stay by my side.
If he does that, it will not only be hard on me, but also on Alfred.
We will only end up unhappy.
If that will be the case… then I’m okay with being alone.
I want Alfred to be happy. I don’t want him to have any painful memories. I won’t be able to stand it. Moreso if the cause of his sadness is me.
Alfred is someone I’ve cherished. I cared for him, nurtured him, treated him well. Just like a younger brother. Even a son at times.
But… If…
If Alfred doesn’t come to like that person and continues liking… me until the very end, unlike in the game…
If he were to wholeheartedly choose me…
Not a day passes by that I don’t fantasize about such an impossible, amazing future
At that time, he told me to stay by his side forever. For the rest of his life.
He told me he liked me.
Actually, I was… very happy then. To the point that I started shaking.
But looking back, I wonder what went through my mind at that time.
Not only is he younger than me, he is also someone who I’ve raised like a son.
I myself don’t understand whether this is really love or just a desire to monopolize. So I don’t know how to express this gloominess in my heart. Sometimes, I doubt my own sanity for having such feelings, and scold myself. Things like “Don’t you like the elder sister type? Then why are you losing your mind over a younger man?! Get a grip of yourself!”
Thoughts of uncertainty also occasionally cross my mind. Is it okay for me to change the original story to my benefit?
Still, the words of rejection stick to my throat, unable to spill out of my mouth.
I’m unable to reject the favor that Alfred has freely showered me all this time… On the contrary, there is this part of myself that is happy with his affection and wants to just accept it.
I can only ridicule myself for being an idiot. A big idiotic liar.
I can only shamelessly adopt a half-hearted attitude and respond vaguely.
I’m unable to accept his feelings, yet I also can’t give him up. I always act so miserably indecisive, constantly relying on Alfred to decide. Alfred suddenly kisses my cheek again. Surprised, I look up.
His sky-blue eyes are narrowed, as if he is slightly troubled and astounded. His hands leave my arm and move behind my waist.
As I’m surrounded by his large arms, I am unable to move.
“Lian.” He uses the same tone that he does when trying to persuade the kids.
“…What?”
“You… you’re having pessimistic thoughts again, aren’t you?”
“Wha—! W-what do you mean ‘pessimistic?!’”
“If you have something you want to say to me, just say it. Voice it out loud, please. I want to know more about you. About what you’re thinking and what’s bothering you. Why do you insist on suffering alone?”
“Alfred…” I swallow my words. If I let my mind wander, my voice would leak. Then I may just let out a cry. Maybe even throw everything away.
But I certainly shouldn’t tell Alfred, the main character and pivot of this story, everything currently.
Because I know what will happen in the future… About this village, this world, and his future. All of it.
And if this small discord greatly escalates later on, and the storyline distorts beyond return, things won’t look good.
My plans since the beginning will go to waste.
Alfred strokes my head, a troubled smile still on his lips. “…Well, you don’t have to force yourself to say it now. You can tell me about it one day.”
“Al…”
“But I’ve already decided to say it.”
“Huh?”
Alfred looks down at me and smiles. “I’ve decided to be prudent with you. I realized that it’ll be faster this way too. You can be really, really dull after all.”
“D-du… Who’s dull?! How rude!”
“That’s why, if I don’t make you understand and keep you in my range… I can’t rest assured. You always fly away to places I don’t expect you to. If I take too much time searching for you, some unknown guy might snatch you up. If that happens, I will kill him—I mean, I definitely don’t want that to happen. I will speak clearly from now on, so that even someone as dull as you can understand.”
“Hah?”
Alfred pulls me closer to him, close enough for our noses to touch, and stares at me.
Because of the incredibly close proximity, I can’t make myself look into his eyes. I try to turn away, but he grabs my chin, forcing me to direct my gaze to him.
“A-Al—”
“I’ve always liked you. Loved you. Only you, Lian.”
“…!!!”
mii the whole ch:
Thank you for the encouragement in the comments last chapter! I feel a lot better now! (≧▽≦)/
Regarding what happened recently (?), please take care, everyone!!! Make sure to wash your hands frequently and stay informed! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Also, please consider pledging in my Patreon or supporting me in ko-fi if possible~ (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) Even a dollar really helps me a ton!
See you next week! (~￣³￣)~