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Volume 4, Chapter 68 [The Taste Of Death]

――In a world where everything seemed twisted, Subaru was desperately running.

[Subaru: ――]

He was insane.

He was insane he was insane he was insane he was insane he was insane he was insane he was insane he was insane he was insane he was insane he was insane he was insane.

The words repeated and repeated in his mind.

Beneath his eyelids as he repeated those words were Roswaal’s final moments, felled by the Great Rabbit’s fangs.

No resistance, so easily accepting his death, without even once crying out in pain for his ruptured flesh, Roswaal allowed his own existence to end.

――Aberrant.

What would you call this, if not aberrant and insane?

As long as his goal would be accomplished in a Parallel World, he was not bothered by his death―― If this was a game, Subaru might have given the player character’s death the same significance.

But it was reality.

Just how could a person, in reality, entrust his life to an alternate self?

This Roswaal was eaten by rabbits in front of Subaru’s eyes. And his consciousness would not follow Subaru to the world beyond Death.

He may be staking his wishes on Return by Death, same as Subaru, but the weight of the toll was nowhere near the same.

Because, unlike Subaru, Roswaal could not reclaim the price he had paid.

[Subaru: ――uo, ogh]

Recalling the macabre image of Roswaal’s death as he ran, Subaru was hounded by the urge to vomit.

Bile surged up, burning his throat. But he couldn’t spare even the time to puke as he wandered through the Sanctuary in search of survivors.

――Hell unfolded before Subaru once again.

Snow had stopped falling on the Sanctuary, but the howling wind persisted.

Lifting his face, grimacing at the skin-shearing cold as he gazed about his surroundings, he could hear the animals’ calls all around, intermixed with the wind.

Grinding, grinding, the noise of serrated teeth grinding besieged the Sanctuary as if voicing their threat to their prey.

The Great Rabbit prowled through the Sanctuary in search of their feed.

Just how terrible was the hunger and famine that assaulted them?

When they fail to find prey, as if not to waste time letting their teeth stand idle, they would stave off their hunger by biting into their companions. A true, abominable monster.

Bit by bit, the grating noise of gnawing teeth and their cannibalistic shrieks of death and ecstasy chipped away at Subaru’s sanity.

[Subaru: ――Uwa!]

While trying to shake off that appalling cacophony, a rabbit with wide open jaws shot over Subaru’s head. Teeth clicked viciously upon teeth as it tumbled into the snow. Having missed its prey, the rabbit flipped around with a threatening hiss.

Immediately, a Lewes clone running alongside Subaru crushed her heel into the rabbit’s torso.

With the sound of meat squishing and bones cracking, the rabbit puked out its body’s innards from its mouth, dead.

Exhaling, paying no heed to the corpse, Subaru resumed his sprint as the Lewes clones moved out alongside him.

Not far behind them, other rabbits arrived at the crushed corpse. Hearing the sound of the corpse devoured in an instant, the bells of doom inside Subaru rang ever louder.

Six Lewes clones remained at Subaru’s side.

The eleven who had been present at Roswaal’s death had had their numbers cut by half.

Having been ordered to “Protect Subaru”, some had turned to face the charging rabbits, while some used their bodies to shield him before returning to mana.

As for why he ordered the clones to protect him with their lives, Subaru had already given up trying to explain it.

Right now, the only thing on his mind was the safety of Rem in the Cathedral and of Emilia inside the Tomb, while all else was abandoned somewhere beyond his considerations.

That was the only way to justify his present actions, and to safeguard his own sanity.

[Subaru: th…. cathedral……!]

Avoiding the rabbit-infested roads with the snow pulling at his steps, Subaru took a large detour around the Sanctuary to reach the village centre and the Cathedral.

In a village devoid of any source of light, Subaru immediately spotted the Cathedral.

But, of course.

――Since amidst this world of white, only the Cathedral was enveloped in pure-red flames.

[Subaru: ――Wh, y?]

Falling to his knees in the snow, Subaru muttered in a hoarse daze.

The crackling of the sprawling blaze mixed with the sound of snapping wood as Subaru watched rabbits leaping into the flame like moths, intending to eat the prey inside only to be instantly burned to a crisp.

The fact that they were so desperate to enter the Cathedral meant that there was still something to sate their hunger inside.

And the fact that there were those who remained inside the flames, meant that――

[Subaru: ――]

――Deciding survival was hopeless, rather than be eaten by rabbits, they had chosen to commit suicide. Subaru wasn’t incapable of understanding this feeling. He wasn’t incapable, but,

[Subaru: Even so… ould’ve resisted to the end……]

“I wish you would’ve fought on to the very end without giving up on life.” But perhaps, that was an all too heartless thought.

Both Roswaal and the people of the Sanctuary had treated their lives with excessive neglect.

Nearly forgetting that he himself was most guilty of that charge, Subaru covered his face as tears streamed from his eyes.

Neither Roswaal nor Subaru had inspired enough hope for the residents of the Sanctuary and the refugees of Arlam to resist until the very end.

If Subaru had managed to build that kind of trust, surely, they wouldn’t have given up until the last moment.

――Once again, everything was Subaru’s fault, and Subaru’s crime.

[Subaru: But even if… only Rem……]

…survived? This ordering of the value of life was just the height of hubris and pride.

Mentally, Subaru called out to the clone he had instructed to take Rem to the Cathedral――the current Lewes personality. But, he could find no visible reaction indicating that she had heard it.

――Rem was inside that burning Cathedral.

Or, even if they escaped, Subaru was not nearly naive enough to think that Lewes could have single-handedly protected Rem from the Great Rabbit as they ran.

He clenched down on his molars. There was the taste of blood.

Biting into the bloody taste, into the surging bitterness, Subaru clenched onto his decision. ――He should have already realized that this world was lost, and that he only wound up here because of his repeated refusal to accept it.

But now, it was truly about time to give up.

[Subaru: ――]

He could hear the hunger-plagued monster approaching.

That was because the rabbits, who had abandoned the prospect of devouring any prey in the burnt Cathedral, had noticed the presence of the kneeling Subaru and the Lewes clones surrounding him.

Standing up, brushing off the snow, Subaru spilled a deep exhale.

He did not notice the sensation of the tears streaming down his cheeks. And so, he did not wipe them away.

[Subaru: Emilia……]

This world was ending.

And even if it wasn’t ending, Subaru would make sure that it ends.

In a world in which everyone he wished to be with, to live with, and to save, was gone―― at least, at the very end, he wanted to be at the side of the girl he loved.

[Subaru: Use your lives… to protect me. ――Once I reach the Tomb… you’re free to do whatever you want]

Subaru emotionlessly relayed to the six remaining clones. He took one step, and then another, away from the horde of rabbits, until he was running.

Sensing their prey’s intention to escape, the rabbits raised an inaudible cry as they hounded Subaru’s trail, drooling from their mouths.

[Lewes: ――]

Two Lewes clones dived into the Great Rabbit’s mass just as it was poised to leap.

It was followed by the sound of death and crushing flesh, until the two of them were surrounded by the ever-swelling swarm.

In an instant, the two were completely coated in white fur and fell to their sides――fatally wounded, their small bodies transformed into streams of pale-blue light.

And, with their final attack, they caught the feeding rabbits in an explosion of mana, lighting up the Sanctuary’s night sky with its dancing radiance.

Sensing the clones’ final burst of brilliance on the skin of his back, Subaru shook his head to cast off the ones he had deserted, gritted his teeth, and ran for the Tomb.

――And just went on running.

By the time Subaru arrived at the Tomb, his body could no longer feel the cold.

The snow had clouded his vision, and it felt like his eyelashes were frozen, but, spilling a white breath from his shivering lips, Subaru didn’t seem to care.

The only thing his heavy, leaden thoughts could envision was a single, solitary girl.

With his footsteps echoing upon the stone-tiled corridor, Subaru headed into the depths.

At the Trial room, there would be a girl whom he had put to sleep, waiting for him.

[???: ――Subaru?]

When he reached the open space, a voice like a silver chime called out his name.

Letting his feet be lured in by that voice, he entered the room. And, upon seeing him, the one who called to him raised a voice full of delight.

[Emilia: So it is you, Subaru! Gees, where did you go? I was so worried]

Emilia ran up to him with skipping steps and took him by the hand.

Pouting, she pressed his hand against her chest, transferring over her tender warmth as she looked up,

[Emilia: ……are you tired?]

[Subaru: yeah…… maybe, just a little…… tired]

[Emilia: Ehehee, I see. In that case… in that case…]

Emilia giggled at Subaru’s straightforward admission, her cheeks blushing red.

Then, still holding onto Subaru’s hand, she suddenly sat down on the spot. Folding her legs and sitting on her side, she pulled the half-crouching Subaru closer,

[Emilia: Here, go ahead, Subaru]

[Subaru: ……a lap.. pillow?]

[Emilia: Yep. Subaru, you like my lap pillows, don’t you? That’s what you told me. I do remember these things, you know. Here, go~ on]

She gave her lap a pat, smiling as if both proud and embarrassed at the same time. Obediently, Subaru sat down and settled his head on her soft thighs.

The moment his short hair brushed against her skin, Emilia let out an enticing [Mn~], but soon proceeded to stroke his head with practiced form.

[Emilia: How many times is it now, that I’ve given Subaru a lap pillow?]

[Subaru: not sure…… this is the third, I guess… somehow, it’s always when I’m exhausted and broken]

[Emilia: You know, Subaru, it’s fun to fiddle around with your hair and cheeks… Ta~ke that, fiddlefiddle~~]

Pulling on his bangs and poking her finger into his cheeks, Emilia happily played with Subaru’s head.

Knowing that it was an expression of her affection, he didn’t feel the slightest urge to push her fingers away.

In a world that was ending―― for now, he just wanted to drown in Emilia’s love.

――Because he had already lost most of his blood and viscera.

The goriness of Subaru’s current state would make any normal person want to look away.

His back had been scoured by fangs, and one could probably see the bones if he lifted up his clothes. Profuse blood was streaming from his demolished thighs, and on his right hand, which he used to swat away the incoming rabbits, only his thumb remained intact.

Perhaps it was delusional tenacity that led his murky consciousness here. That, along with the freezing cold that had ironically dulled the sensations of his body.

[Emilia: Subaru, did you get a little lighter?]

[Subaru: I’m trying out the blood-loss diet…. it’s…… like dump the ballast, and get lighter and light…er… something… like that……]

[Emilia: I don’t understand what you’re saying, but you did something crazy for someone else again, didn’t you? That’s the kind of person you are, Subaru. I know that, but…… I still get reeaally worried]

[Subaru: ………]

[Emilia: The truth is, I only want you to do that… for me. But, I know that’s being selfish, and I wouldn’t want to see Subaru pretend not to care about anyone else because of me. ……Even though that’s me being selfish too… sorry]

Emilia’s rapid-fire words grew distant.

Unlike the frigid cold outside, the Tomb’s interior retained a certain level of warmth. This ironically restored Subaru’s metabolism to its normal levels, and renewed his sedated bloodflow.

Fresh blood dyed the stone slabs red, as even more was coughed out of Subaru’s mouth.

Dots of splattered blood stained onto Emilia’s white cheeks. But――

[Emilia: Say, Subaru, are you listening? There are so, so, sooo many things I want to tell you, and ask you. So, please. Stay with me. Listen to my voice. And let me hear yours, ok?]

Emilia didn’t seem to mind the touch of blood on her cheeks.

Or rather, she never even noticed them. Her amethyst eyes were on Subaru, and were certainly seeing him―― but they simply hadn’t accepted the reality they reflected.

From the moment Subaru set out from the Mansion, he was already littered with the marks of Elsa’s torture. Being dragged to the Tomb by Garfiel must have only worsened his miserable appearance.

But Emilia didn’t make note of Subaru’s wounds, or seemed at all worried.

Even now, with various parts of his body missing, eaten by rabbits, she didn’t react any differently.

Right now, Emilia wasn’t seeing reality.

And perhaps, Subaru was just the same.

[Subaru: ――――]

He was supposed to warn Emilia of the danger and take her far away from here.

The Great Rabbit had already overrun everything outside the Tomb, and would probably rush inside at any moment. When they do, Emilia wouldn’t stand a chance.

Just like Roswaal, and the villagers who chose to die in the fire, Emilia would not escape a cruel and gruesome death.

But, even knowing this, Subaru didn’t warn her.

Because, within moments of losing his life―― he couldn’t escape his selfish desire to face the end at Emilia’s side.

Roswaal’s words and grisly demise, the regret for Garfiel and Ram’s deaths, the devastation of losing Petra and Frederica, and the sense of powerlessness of his inability to save Rem and Emilia, all struck Subaru to the core.

Pain, or even the terror of death, none of it mattered anymore.

――Right now, all he wanted was to vanish from this world.

Subaru’s haphazard and selfish wish would be fulfilled.

The world was clouding over, while little by little, his consciousness and his soul fell away from this place.

Strength deserted his limbs, and the last of his sensations left his body.

All that remained, all that stayed behind, was Emilia, seemingly unaware of Subaru’s departure.

[Subaru: ――――]

So, was he going to leave Emilia behind?

When he was the only one she could rely on, when she had lost everyone else she could depend on, was Subaru going to leave her too?

[Subaru: a――]

It was too late to regret it now. It was too late to do anything.

Without uttering a sound, life faded from his eyes.

Emilia didn’t seem to notice it, but only adorably tilted her head at Subaru, who had gone quiet.

Then, she smiled, and brought her face closer――

[Emilia: Subaru――]

[Subaru: ――――]

She took the silent Subaru, and kissed him on the lips.

――His first kiss was of the cold taste of Death.

-=Chapter 68 End=-