BXBX NOVEL Arc 6 – 35 [Thin-Ice Relations]
Arc 6 – Chapter 35 [Thin-Ice Relations]
[???: Subaru knows how painful it is to be forgotten. So… forgetting someone… he would never joke about something like that]
[――――]
On their way back to the room, Subaru inadvertently held his breath when heard the voice from inside.
Even though he couldn’t see who was speaking, he knew from the voice, beautiful like a silver chime, that it was Emilia. Listening to her say his name in her slightly tense voice, Subaru couldn’t help but strain his cheeks into an awkward smile.
Carried within that voice was a powerful trust, and an equally powerful plea.
It was from Emilia to “Natsuki Subaru”, and certainly not to this Subaru. He acutely understood this.
[Ram: ……would never joke about something like that. Yes. Never thought I’d say this, but Emilia-sama is right]
Also hearing that voice, Ram, who accompanied Subaru, whispered this self-derisive comment under her breath. Unlike Subaru, who was carrying the water-filled bucket, she was empty-handed and holding her elbows, her nails digging into her white skin.
Almost like a reminder to herself, a regret, and an extension of the pain of an unfulfillable vow.
[Subaru: Ram……]
[Ram: It was just a pointless joke, forget you ever heard it. It’ll only worry Emilia-sama if you bring it up. So for the sake of Ram’s impeccable reputation, keep it to yourself. If you dare mention it t……]
[Subaru: ――――]
[Ram: ……It seems you, really don’t remember]
If he dares mention it, something scary will happen. That was probably what she was trying to say. Or perhaps, she was expecting Subaru to counter with a quip before she did so.
Just like before, when the connection between her and her younger sister was brought up, he thought he saw a glimpse of disappointment flashing across her pale-red eyes. But that sadness disappeared in an instant.
The fact that she wouldn’t let him tell anyone, was it because Ram was too strong for that, or because she was too weak?
He didn’t know what lay in the depths of her heart.
Only, faintly, on the center of Subaru chest, there was still a lingering trace of where her head had rested.
[Ram: ――Sorry to keep you waiting. We’ve returned]
Without giving him any time to think, Ram resumed her steps and headed into the room. That stubborn attitude might just be Ram expressing her insistence on the matter. Seeing this, Subaru had no choice but to respect her feelings and not mention the matter.
Subaru entered a few steps behind her, a more or less strained atmosphere spread throughout the room.
But even so, it was still somewhat better than immediately after Subaru made his shocking revelation.
As proof of that, after Emilia greeted the returning Subaru with [Thanks for the hard work], the next voice that followed was,
[Julius: ……Earlier, I showed you an unsightly side of me. Is it alright if we start over?]
[Subaru: Oh, ohh. I should be the one t… I mean, I’m the one who surprised you w……. Ahh no, I shouldn’t have interrupted you. Please go on]
[Julius: There is no need to be so restrained. If you’re so formal with me, I wouldn’t feel at ease]
Saying this, a faint smile emerged on the purple haired youth――Julius’s face.
Earlier, he was the one who had turned pale at Subaru’s revelation. Subaru didn’t know what Emilia and Beatrice might’ve said to him while he was gone fetching water, but he seemed to have recovered enough strength to speak.
Only, there were still the words Ram said to him in the corridor. ――When he asked her about Julius, she told him that he was too cruel. Just what could she have meant by that?
[Julius: Let us start again, I am Julius Euculius. This is Anastasia-sama…… I serve as her Knight. And you…… are like a friend, of sorts]
[Subaru: I see, nice to meet you…… but, why did that last part not feel very confident there?]
[Julius: Unfortunately, we might have had a slightly different understanding of our relationship. I myself think of you as a friend, but as for what you think of me, it’s……]
[Subaru: Literally… lost to memory, huh]
[Julius: ――. That is, quite true]
Picking up a certain elegance in his words and conduct, Subaru bent his lips.
According to Emilia, he was the only other male member of their company on this journey into these treacherous environments―― so, naturally, there must have been considerable trust between them.
But then again, considering Julius’ knightly air and their exchange just now, even without memories, Subaru could imagine his previous-self having made a terrible first impression.
[Emilia: It’s alright, there’s no need to worry. Subaru and Julius are reeaally good friends. We were there, so we can all attest to that]
[Meili: That’s right. There’s no reason to be so worried about this, is there? Knight-Onii-san’s already got plenty of other problems to worry about]
Watching their exchange, Emilia cut herself in with her hands on her hips, and Meili mockingly concurred with a mischievous look in her eyes.
Whereas Emilia’s words were purely out of concern for Subaru and Julius’ first meeting, Meili’s seemed to be insinuating something entirely different altogether.
Subaru furrowed his brows when he heard this, while Julius nodded as if having understood her meaning.
[Julius: Why, yes. What Meili said is true. Subaru, although we do need to discuss what happened to you, it is not the only problem we are presently faced with. In this regard, please allow me to explain]
[Ram: This, would it be related to Anastasia-sama’s strange behavior this morning?]
[Julius: ……Your observation is correct, Miss Ram]
Ram said this, leaning against a wall, and Julius slightly cast down his eyes in reply. Seeing this, Ram narrowed her eyes towards Anastasia, and let out a small sigh.
[Ram: Barusu, give me the water bucket. I will begin preparing the meal]
[Subaru: ……Aren’t we about to discuss something important?]
[Ram: I will be still in the same room. So I can still hear everything. ……Working will help take my mind off of things]
Brusquely saying this, Ram snatched the water bucket from Subaru’s hand and headed towards the luggage-filled corner of the room. Then, they saw her slender back setting about exactly that task.
[Emilia: Sorry. Ram… she isn’t usually like this……]
[“Anastasia”: Of course, there is no need to mind. It is understandable that she would feel this way. ――Seeing the desired information one couldn’t wait to pull out of the other person’s throat suddenly fly so far away, anyone would feel this way]
Anastasia calmly shook her head to Emilia’s apology. And, hearing Anastasia’s reply, both Emilia and Beatrice made a difficult expression.
Subaru didn’t know what might have crossed their minds―― but the answer to that soon came from Anastasia’s own mouth.
[“Anastasia”: Now then, even though after all the confusion this morning, I would honestly do not wish to burden you with any more surprises…… I do think that keeping it hidden would only sow the seeds for discord down the road. Therefore, if your accepting soils would permit it, allow me to confide something in you]
[Beatrice: ……Such an arrogant and roundabout thing to say. Hurry up and get to the point, I suppose]
[“Anastasia”: There is no need to be so frightened, Beatrice. ――One could say we are as close as sisters, you and I. In fact, it is just as you guessed]
[Beatrice: ――――]
Beatrice’s cheeks froze at Anastasia’s words. Standing beside Subaru, as if naturally seeking something to rely on, the young girl’s fingers lightly grasped onto Subaru’ sleeve.
Subaru cast her a side glance, and after some hesitation took her hand. The tips of her fingers were faintly quivering from the shock, but soon, the small palm accepted this warmth in turn.
[“Anastasia”: ……Your relationship with your Contractor is indeed amicable and ideal. I wish I could have had the same perfect relationship with Ana, but unfortunately, it is not going so well]
[Emilia: You are addressing Anastasia-san like you’re talking about someone else. So that means, you’re……]
[“Anastasia”: Ah, yes, you guessed correctly. ――Right now, the consciousness inhabiting this body is not Ana’s. Anastasia Hoshin is sleeping deep inside this body. And the one addressing you now would be something of a deceased ghost that has temporarily taken over this fleshly form]
Emilia’s breath choked up, and Beatrice held tighter onto Subaru. Julius’ face wringed with pain at her confession, and Meili still looked bored as ever. Only Shaula, sitting cross-legged beside Meili, was completely aloof to the conversation, with her attention solely focused on Ram who was preparing the meal.
With her back turned, no one could make out Ram’s expression as she continued about her work.
Lastly, for Subaru――
[Subaru: ……What’re you guys talking about? I didn’t get any of that]
Left all the way behind, naturally, he could only make a difficult expression.
――The body of the girl named Anastasia Hoshin was now dominated by another existence, while her own existence was soundly sleeping.
Simply put, that was what “Anastasia”―― or, the spirit by the name of Echidona, had explained.
It seemed that fact was quite shocking to Emilia and Beatrice, while for Subaru, rather than shock, it only served to exacerbate his confusion.
Subaru barely had any impressions of Anastasia in the first place. Imagine someone came up and told him right when they first met that “I used to be Anastasia, but now I’m actually this other person”.
[Subaru: ……I-is that so… That’s uh. That’s… pretty big news, huh]
He couldn’t exactly react except like it was someone else’s affairs.
No doubt, it was only from the reactions of those around him that he figured that this was a pretty serious situation. After all, they came to this tower for a reason.
It was in order to find a way to save the girl that kept on sleeping, and to help those people struck with some unknown disease, that they came here. ――Or at least, that’s what he had been told.
[Ram: We barely just got here and the key people are already falling apart…… Barusu dropped his memories somewhere, and Anastasia-sama’s consciousness is deep in the abyss…]
[Subaru: Ugh… doesn’t look good at all, huh……]
Listening to Ram’s blunt remark, Subaru dejectedly held his head.
The problems were just piling up―― Subaru hadn’t even sorted out his own mess, and more difficulties just kept coming. They were going nowhere.
In that case――
[Emilia: Everyone, I think even if we hang our heads like this, we won’t solve anything. I understand the frustration, I do…… but, we can’t let our spirits down]
[――――]
[Emilia: A lot of people’s hopes are riding on us coming to this tower. What happened to Subaru and Anastasia-san, that is a big deal. But…]
Emilia clapped her hands together and gathered everyone’s attention to herself.
Then, after pausing a beat, she scanned her amethyst eyes over everyone present,
[Emilia: We can’t stop here. ――We musn’t give up, that’s what I’ve always been taught]
Emilia said this firmly as she looked at each member’s face in turn. Her gaze finally fell on Subaru, who held his breath as he was pierced by their amethyst charm.
Naturally, his chest heated up. He didn’t know what to say, but he could see the expectation in her eyes. Receiving it, and feeling like he must do something, Subaru tightened his fist.
[Beatrice: Ow! That hurts! Oy, Subaru!]
[Subaru: Ah, my ba……no, not bad! Because this is proof of my determination!]
[Beatrice: Even if you say that with a straight face it still hurt when it hurt, I suppose! Reflect on your actions now!]
[Subaru: S-sorry. Hurting you was my bad. But my determination was not! Yeah, that’s right!]
Subaru apologized to Beatrice’s protests that her delicate wrist was being squished, but he quickly shook his head.
He could see that the situation as worrying. But simply worrying about unsolvable problems wouldn’t move anything forward at all. Subaru knew this from personal experience, in fact.
If Subaru was alone, he would certainly have lost his way. But, he wasn’t alone. Even if he had forgotten everything on his end, there was still Emilia and the others. And so――
[Subaru: It’s true, my memories slipping away all of a sudden has caused you a lot of trouble, I’m sorry about that. But that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. Think of it another way. Who knows, maybe now I’m freed from the unnecessary fetters and ready to burst out with new ideas like a fresh spring or something. Then that means we’re ready to break out of this mess, doesn’t it?]
[“Anastasia”: ……that’s… quite a progressive take on it]
[Subaru: Would you rather go backwards instead? All the important things are ahead of us. They say the Goddess of Fortune only shows her bangs, you know? Besides, when it comes to capturing this tower, maybe we’ll need to come up with a more flexible idea. One that isn’t confined by the conventions of this world, like, AN IDEA FROM ANOTHER WORLD!]
“Anastasia”―― or rather, Echidona, wryly smiled at that momentous remark, but she was pushed back by an even more momentous retort. Even though he was just bluffing, what he said was right, and there was a need to break out of the current atmosphere.
Listening to Subaru’s thoughts, the difficult expressions on everyone’s faces began to change.
[Emilia: ……Mmn, that’s right. Subaru has always gotten over all sorts of trouble like this. So, this time, you’ll definitely get us through it too]
[Subaru: Oooh! That’s the spirit! Though that kinda sounds like I’ll have to do all the work here… but since you’re counting on me, I’ll do my best. Such a cute girl is asking for my help, after all!]
[Emilia: Thank you, Subaru. ――Hm, I’m glad. Subaru is still Subaru, after all]
[Subaru: ――――]
Hearing Emilia’s whisper as she put a hand to her ample chest in relief, Subaru was almost caught off-guard.
――“Subaru is still Subaru, after all”
Hearing her sigh of relief from the bottom of her heart, Subaru felt relieved as well.
“I guess that’s enough”, he thought.
Little by little, this self would be able to fill the hole left by the Natsuki Subaru she knew. If he could do just that, then he should be able to smooth over all the jumbled relationships here.
[Julius: ……Well well, that sure is optimistic]
[Subaru: Huh?]
Just when Subaru was relieved by Emilia’s words, Julius suddenly cut in. Sensing Subaru’s gaze, he shrugged, and loosened his lips with [Nothing],
[Julius: I just thought, memories or not, it’s still as impossible as ever to tell whether you’re brave or reckless. On the other hand, perhaps you would only think this because you’ve forgotten the enormity of the obstacle we are facing]
[Subaru: Oy, why’s there always something annoying about the stuff you say? Unless…… no way, is that just your true nature? Julius-san…… I mean, just Julius]
[Julius: ……I see. It’s just as Emilia-sama said, memories or not really doesn’t matter. One’s nature is not so easy changed]
[Subaru: I guess I can kind of imagine what kind of relationship we have now. We must be more comfortable with each other than anything else, huh]
They were not harsh words of malice, but an exchange of friendly jabs. Nevertheless, Subaru was convinced that there was a certain sense of distance between them.
His initial impression wasn’t wrong. Subaru and Julius mustn’t have liked each other very much when they first met. But afterwards, through various things they’ve experienced together, their relationship must have improved to the point where they could travel to this tower together――
[Subaru: Then I’ll be counting on you, Julius. Until I get my memories back, I’ll trouble you for a little longer]
[Julius: Yeah, it can’t be helped. Then I will reignedly accept this as my duty. ――Memories are just a trivial matter. I see. ……That’s right]
Julius quietly nodded to Subaru’s friendly address, and the topic ended there.
His memories were lost, and the problems just kept coming. This definitely wasn’t something one would meet with a bright face, that was a fact, but to face it nonetheless was a testament to his strength.
[Julius: When the person in question isn’t all that concerned, perhaps that is a grace as well]
[Subaru: I just don’t show it. There’s actually a whole storm churning in my chest right now. But, I’ll take the opportunity to get healed by some alone-time with Emilia-chan later]
[Emilia: ――? You want a lap pillow?]
[Subaru: Auhm, no. I’m sorry. Isn’t that uh… a bit rushed]
After saying it with his chest pumped up and his spirits high, Subaru suddenly shrunk. Not expecting Emilia to be so willing to give him such tender healing, his heart started cowering in fear.
Moreover, it’s a lap pillow. Naturally, his gaze fell onto her soft white thighs――
[Ram: It’s ready. Come help carry it, Barusu-pervert]
[Subaru: OW!?]
Feeling something kick in back of his knees, Subaru let out a wail on the spot and collapsed to the floor. All the while, Ram looked down on him with a look of disdain, as if chastising him for his indecency.
[Ram: Your useless positivity is one of your only virtues, Barusu. Use that positivity to set up the food. As well as for cleaning, tidying, and various other chores]
[Subaru: You just want to slack off, don’t you……]
[Shaula: Ooh! Teacher-sama, I’ll help as well-su~! F-o-o-d! F-o-o-d!]
Just as Subaru was protesting Ram’s forceful transfer of responsibilities, he was immediately cut off by Shaula’s pressing desire for sustenance. Seeing Shaula beginning to carry out the plates, Subaru had no choice but to join in the preparations.
[Subaru: Lets see the menu…… that kinda just looks like preserved rations]
[Ram: In fact, it is precisely preserved rations. The few fresh foods Emilia-sama brought over have already ran out. So the diet will be quite bland in the foreseeable future]
[Subaru: Well, hopefully we can capture this tower quickly and get back to somewhere more populated]
He had heard it said that people’s hearts are only at ease once there are ample food and clothing. In that sense, he wasn’t sure just how long they could last in this tower.
Particularly in regards to food, in the absence of his memory, Subaru’s only impression of the “Taste of this Parallel World” was the taste of preserved rations. Which was rather miserable.
[Echidona: Sorry to bring this up while you’re eating, but there is something I want to confirm with you, Subaru-kun]
[Subaru: Hungry… starving…… What, me? Something you wanted to ask me?]
Roleplaying as someone who has been treated like a slave and given nothing but miserable scraps ever since he was summoned to this Parallel World, Subaru protested against the injustice. But he stopped eating when he heard Echidona’s words.
[Echidona: It’s nothing, but while I apologize for bringing this up this when everyone is united against our situation, I would like Subaru-kun to share a bit more with us about what happened to him. After all, your memories were the only ones that has been affected by this tower. Conversely, who knows if the same thing might happen to any of our memories as well?]
[Subaru: Right, makes sense. Even though having the person involved do it might be a bit difficult… amnesia can be pretty inconvenient, you know]
[Beatrice: The way you said it make me wonder if you really see yourself as being involved, I suppose……]
Seeing Subaru nod in agreement, Beatrice could only manage a baffled expression.
But, Echidona’s concerns were reasonable. And the truth is, Subaru also needed to know how he lost his memories. The clues to restoring his memories must be tied to how he lost them in the first place.
[――――]
At the table, to Subaru’s right was Beatrice, and to his left was Emilia. Those two were at his side when he woke――he wanted to know just what kind of memories could have prompted them to sit there of their own accord, and to place in him such baseless trust and warmth.
――Or rather, it was that he needed to remember, because it was his duty.
[Subaru: But still… I woke up without remembering anything, so I don’t really know what happened. ……Emilia-chan and everyone, where exactly did you guys find me?]