BXBX NOVEL Arc 6 – 74, “Natsuki Subaru”
Arc 6 – Chapter 74, “Natsuki Subaru”
Short, black hair, legs with the same length as his upper body, sanpaku eyes enough to kill someone.
Those almost unpleasantly familiar features no matter which one was to be chosen, were overlooking Natsuki Subaru whilst sitting on the white, bare ground.
Subaru: “ーーーー”
Astounded, fixedly, he gazed a deep stare into the opposing person’s face.
No matter which angle he looked at it from, it was a face he was acquainted withーー no, it looked slightly different. That was perhaps because it was, in a true sense, not the form he was accustomed to seeing.
That which he had grown accustomed to looking at ordinarily, on overwhelmingly? multiple occasions, was something reflected upon mirrors or the surface of water. Strictly speaking, the human face was not perfectly symmetrical on both halves, that alone shaped a sensitive disparity.
That is whyーー,
???: “Ah, is that so. It’s not a mirror’s reflection so it feels a bit awkward, huh. In that sense, this is probably closer to imaging it as facing a photograph or a video recording, isn’t it.”
Subaru: “ーー~hk.”
???: “ーー? Ah, could it be, you thought of the same thing?”
When he slightly tightened his cheeks upon the single voice seemingly having read his mind, the opposing person precisely guessed those feelings as well.
Though ■ was flustered by even that, any response he could possibly give could neither serve as poison nor medicine. In the first place, what was essential for Subaru was not something on the likes of quick exchange of remarks.
Far greater, precisely that, the problem which seemingly jolted away everything wasーー,
???: “Once again then…… hey, sibling.”
Subaru: “ーーーー”
???: “No, sibling feels slightly faulty for an expression, huh. More accurately this’d be…… hey, another me.”
Raising a single hand, the personage greeted with a relaxed toneーー no, he was not a person so unduly distant. He was an existence such that even calling him someone close would be a half-hearted expression.
After all, because the one present there was unmistakably was, with the same face as Natsuki Subaru, none other than『Natsuki Subaru』.
Subaru: “ーー『Natsuki Subaru』.”
‘Subaru’: “……You know, doesn’t that have a strange ring to it? On top of that, calling yourself using the full name…… though, I don’t know using what else would be correct. Though it’s a situation often there in manga and stuff, it’s pretty troublesome in reality.”
Subaru: “『Natsuki Subaru』……!”
Discerning rage for『Subaru』, who piled up remarks as if talking about good weather, Subaru stood right up at that spot. And as he tried to grasp the opponent’s collars, his legs tangled instantly.
With no strength driven into his knees, his stance crumbledーー,
‘Subaru’: “Woops, watch out.”
Subaru: “ーー~hk, don’t touch me!”
『Subaru』, who was in front, caught his body which was pitching forward and falling. The moment he came in contact with those arms, Subaru experienced unbearable repugnance and shook off the opponent’s arms.
At the same pace, taking steps and distancing himself away from『Subaru』, he continued glaring at the opponent.
Subaru: “Why are, you here…… first of all, where is this place!?”
With『Subaru』within his field of vision, Subaru signalled the surrounding white world with his hands.
White space, a place with nothing, that was just as the cradle of Od Lagna where he had confronted that Sin Archbishop of『Gluttony』, Louis Arneb.
Subaru: “Shit……!”
It was a total mess inside of his mind.
In accordance with the real time that flowed within the tower, his meeting with Louis was not something which happened even a few hours ago.
However, for Subaru who had stockpiled multiple attempts pertaining to the five obstacles, it felt like an incident in the faraway, distant past.
Furthermore, Subaru had personally experienced the life and death of『Natsuki Subaru』more than twenty times through the『Books of the Dead』. Even if the contents of the『Books of the Dead』were something which felt short, running through life and death in less than five minutes, there had also been more than a year’s time where nothing had occurred.
He had tasted those successively, indulgently. Neither were there any guarantees regarding his recognition not getting? disordered.
The passage of time was vague, on top of that, he had much awaited this meeting with the unanticipated opponent.
Subaru widened his eyes and waved his arms about violently,
Subaru: “Why, are you in this place!!”
‘Subaru’: “ーーIt is, the proof of you having caught up to me.”
Subaru: “ーーーー”
‘Subaru’: “You read the『Book of the Dead』, and caught up to me. Everything you were not aware of, you must have seen it in the form of personally experiencing it. My, life in a different world, alright.”
Subaru: “Huh.”
With an indifferent tone,『Subaru』responded to Subaru, who had depleted his breath and clamoured. Viewing that composed attitude, Subaru gritted his molars.
He was unable to stomach that conclusive expression, that attitude of seemingly knowing all, anything and everything.
ーーFirst of all, what did this man, making that odious face, say just now?
Subaru: “I, caught up to you?”
‘Subaru’: “That’s right. There’s not a single thing anymore, which you don’t know about me. That’s why……”
Subaru: “ーーDon’t, joke around ~hk!!”
‘Subaru’: “ーーーー”
Subaru: “I, caught up to you, you say? Stop kidding! Don’t lie! Not yet! I don’t know about that which is the most important, which is much more essential, yet!”
Roaring with his eyes open wide, Subaru seized hold of『Subaru’s』collars this time.
Upon that usage of brute strength,『Subaru』made no attempt to parry it. Pulling the opponent’s collars towards himself at the same pace, from a distance where both of their breaths entwined, he glared into those black eyes.
“ーーーー”
Within the dark eyes of the face which was the same as his, the instant he perceived the same face reflected within, nauseating self-hatred surged within his own self.
Whether he harboured that self-hatred for himself or for the『Himself』present before his eyes, was neither known to him nor did he even contemplate considering it.
Merely remaining at that extremely close distance, he glared at the opponent and unraveled his fangs.
Subaru: “Tell me! It’s pretty convenient you’re here! Tell me now! The reason you became yourself must be somewhere! I haven’t seen that. I haven’t found it. That is……”
‘Subaru’: “The reason I, became myself?”
Subaru: “That’s right! There must have been a cue for you, to turn into yourself! You are, you are……”
‘Subaru’: “ーーThat, must have been seen by you, no?”
With his collars seized,『Subaru』was gazing at Subaru, nonresistant.
He did not even try to repel away the arms waving him about. Subaru received that as a hallucination as if he wasn’t even doing anything.
He perceived exactly that, as being looked down onto from a higher levelーー,
Subaru: “Stop looking at me like that!”
‘Subaru’: “ーーGah ~hk.”
Aiming at that conclusive side profile, Subaru launched his fist.
The fist wielded firm impact, blowing『Subaru』off as if he had been strummed. There was no recoil, no similar pain striking back at Subaru.
The pain『Subaru』sustained, injured, was only the pain『Subaru』had sustained.
That was, not identical to what Natsuki Subaru had sustained.
Subaru: “Lining up words, as if knowing that…… is that so, I get it.”
Smacked by Subaru,『Subaru』had knelt down on his right leg. Observing him rubbing his struck cheek with the back of his hand, Subaru consented.
That opponent ahead of his eyes, who spoke with a mouth as if knowing everything, was not mistaken.
First of all, if this was the cradle of Od Lagnaーー the Hall of Memories, would that not make him the opponent he should be utmost vigilant of above all other matters
Subaru: “Are you, Louis? The Sin Archbishop of『Gluttony』! It’s you again, right!?”
‘Subaru’: “……Me?”
Subaru: “Don’t play dumb!”
Last time, Louis, whom he had encountered in the Hall of Memories, attempted to prompt segregation between Subaru and『Natsuki Subaru』, and eat that existence away from his head through one way or another.
Back then, he had managed to escape those fangs from a hair strand’s breadth worth of distance but had their nature been such that they would be willing to give up through simply that alone, they would not be called Sin Archbishops.
Just how ugly, how irredeemable the existences known as the Sin Archbishops were, he had witnessed that in its? entirety.
Petelgeuse, Regulus, Sirius, Capella, all of them were the absolute lowest and worst of failures as personalities. Ley, Roy, and Louis were no exceptions to that either, he could especially affirm that.
What if Louis, who had been lying in wait inside of Reid’s『Book of the Dead』, was utilising some form of method and hiding in ambush within the『Book of the Dead』of『Natsuki Subaru』.
Thus, it was plausible that she had been boldly lingering and awaiting Subaru.
Subaru: “Isn’t that true,『Gluttony』! Louis Arneb! There’s no way I can be confused by you, who can change shapes and forms, like this!”
Relying upon the『Memories』and『Names』stolen from others, rather than just the opponents’ abilities but extorting even their form, and chewing and digesting them as if they were her belongings was the Authority of Louis Arneb, as well as that of her elder brothers, Ley Batenkaitos and Roy Alphard.
She had demonstrated that artifice even within the tower, lacking any regret. Nothing felt out of place should her place of demonstrating that merely have gotten changed to the Hall of Memories.
Subaru: “This time for sure, devouring me and hijacking me, is that what your plan is? Even after being rejected once, persistent little…… do you really want to『Return by Death』so much!?”
Without any vacillation, he voiced the words『Return by Death』.
He had personally experienced the memory of having to taste hellish anguish by voicing that on several instances. The penalty of having his heart be crushingly gripped accompanied with immense pain. However, it was still alright if only his self was to be the one to experience that agony. ーーCompared to the cases where it befell over Emilia, or the surroundings.
However, the penalty was not invoked for Subaru, who had shouted whilst crushing faint horror.
『Subaru』before his eyes, did not seem to have had his heart crushingly gripped at all either. In bug a single instant he understood that『Subaru』had also been relieved at the lack of the evil influence’s ingress, seemingly having been on lookout for the same. That was, infuriating.
With the same face as his, he also bore the same thoughts as him. ーーHe thought of it as an assertion that, at maximum, he and his opponent were the same.
Subaru: “ーー~hk! Just, get it already! Is this really that amazing of a power? Is this an admirable power!? It’s just dying, and redoing. Dying and redoing…… nothing more than that. If I, who uses it, am shit then the results it brings are also shit! That’s why……”
‘Subaru’: “ーーーー”
Subaru: “That’s why, I couldn’t save anyone…… I let everyone die. Because I am weak, I make everyone, miserable. Just like how, even now, nobody will get saved……!”
ーー『Return by Death』, was nothing so adequate.
It was always far better, to not have something like this be of need. Though there had been a Witch who claimed this power to be something splendid, the utmost prime and nonpareil thing in this world, he could never hold the same opinion.
Even if an ant is made to wield artillery, it can never utilise it. Ultimately, it was unsuited to it.
He was a weak, petty, lonely child who kept crying and throwing tantrums.
What the Witches in that dream tea party had stated, was correct. He was hopeless. He was weak. He could never find it. He could never use it. Both『Gluttony』and the『Witch of Greed』, who failed to comprehend that, were damned.
Just, how many times would he have to get deceived, how many times would he have to get his hope trampled underfoot, how many times would he have to get his ■ vanquished, until he learnt.
Why, after countlessly getting deceived, countlessly having his hope trampled underfoot, countlessly having his ■ vanquished, does he still think of doing it.
『Return by Death』, displayed all of the unpleasant fragments of the world.
It displayed the absurdities, the irrationalities, the destiny enough to make one avert one’s eyes.
Yet, how comeーー,
Subaru: “ーーI love, everyone.”
Without noticing, with his head hanging down, kneeling down at that very spot, Subaru shouted as if casting a curse.
And upon the disgraceful grievance similar to weeping,『Subaru』horizontally shook his head. Whilst shaking his head horizontally, for once, at this instant, he said, converging with his words.
‘Subaru’: “ーーI love everyone. That’s why, I can’t stop.”
Subaru: “ーーーー”
Erasing the tinge of red on his struck cheek with his fingers,『Subaru』stood up in Subaru’s stead.
The same attire, the same expression, possessing the same face and name,『Natsuki Subaru』, who seemed to be decisively different from his selfーー whilst that looked at Natsuki Subaru,
‘Subaru’: “The position you were put in, to be honest, even imagining its difficulty is rough. Everything completely new, starting from level 6 having the status of initial stage without the option of going back. The complaints you voice out too, I understand all of them. Because those, are wounds I have gotten to taste time and time again.”
With immense powerlessness, with immense ignorance, it was a countenance that had gotten to taste that countless times. ーーNo, he had gotten to taste that countless times.
The defeat, the agony, the grief of『Death』which『Subaru』had to taste, Subaru was aware of it all. He had witnessed it all with these eyes. He had tasted it all, with this body and ■.
Precisely because he had tasted those, precisely because he knew that was not a lie, he could not accept 『Subaru’s』 words. He did not want, to accept them.
‘Subaru’: “Had I been strong, had I been smart, had I been more, more…… it must be frustrating.”
Subaru: “Speaking as if, you understand it……! About me, what the hell do you”
‘Subaru’: “I do know. You must also be aware of what I know. It’s a pointless quarrel, actually. For both me and you.”
Subaru: “ーー~hk.”
There was no strength in his words of objection. It had been a matter of course.
An objection repels away the opponent’s words, brushes them away suggesting lack of agreement, crushingly defeating them, making the statement that you are wrong. Such an intention was essential.
Subaru of now, did not have the ability to face『Subaru』with that.
After all, he was aware of it.
He was aware that that was no lie or deceit, but the entirety of『Natsuki Subaru』.
Subaru: “I didn’t look, at your memories or anything……”
‘Subaru’: “Hey you can’t be doing this, after looking through one’s diary as per your own convenience.”
Subaru: “I didn’t look, at your memories or anything!”
Upon hearing『Subaru’s』seemingly sullen voice, Subaru powerfully clenched his fists.
Slapped, poured with jeers, yet not bending his approach of dialogue『Subaru』gave the impression of being far more mature than Subaru. Perhaps even that, was a matter of course.
After all, the truth is『Subaru』was supposed to be an year older than Subaru.
That too, having observed rich experiences in the different world and having personally experienced『Death』on multiple occasions, on top of that, having woven many bonds and acquiring the position of his current self.
But stillーー,
Subaru: “I didn’t look, at your memories or anything…… ~hk.”
Once again, once again Subaru utilised those words.
For once, right now『Subaru』said nothing to Subaru, who stockpiled the very same repentances. Subaru, without even seeking any response, resumed as if incoherently muttering.
Subaru: “I, wanted to have hopes for you. That you were an amazing guy, and that if I got to know the “something” which was supporting your amazing nature, I would be able to do the same thing too. But still……”
But still, he ended up knowing it.
He ended up witnessing, everything.
『Natsuki Subaru』had absolutely no difference from the Natsuki Subaru present here, that he was a weak and petty man, he ended up knowing that.
In the time unknown to Subaru meeting people unknown to Subaru, running past a chronicle unknown to Subaru, having witnessed a scenery unknown to Subaru, he was merely an ordinary human who had done all that.
Subaru: “ーーBy denying you, I wanted to proclaim something plausible and fulfill it.”
However, he could not do that.
Subaru: “After all, I understand your feelings. ーーBecause you, are me.”
The world『Natsuki Subaru』had witnessed, had tasted, he had viewed it.
『Natsuki Subaru』had fallen in love with this world, with the people of this world, with Emilia and everyone else and the wounds he had accepted for them to survive, he had viewed all of that.
He had been misunderstanding. He had been misapprehending.
Since it was regarding himself, it may be appropriate to say he had conceited.
The illusion of『Natsuki Subaru』being a superhuman, had been shattered and cast aside.
Subaru: “Yeah, I get it! I got it! Why you…… why you kept standing up again and again, why you never gave up after dying again and again, is because that’s all you can do!!”
Just like Subaru,『Subaru』had also gotten slammed into walls he could do nothing about on innumerable instances.
Upon each occasion of that, he died recurrently, repeatedly, stockpiling『Deaths』, amending the way he met, amending the way he connected,『Subaru』overcame hindrances.
That was all.
Subaru: “Can there be someone who won’t stand up despite Rem telling him so much to do so!? Acting conceitedly after getting knocked by Otto, I noticed that! I always knew that dad and mom, were considerate like that! I mean, they are my dad and mom, after all!”
The scenery『Natsuki Subaru』passed through, the cue essential for surmounting, not the “something” which Subaru sought but merely accumulated wishes were certainly there.
Subaru: “I love Emilia. I want her to rely on me to protect her. I want to be with her. The reason I wanted to be a knight, was so that she thought of me that way. I was happy. I want to walk outside with her without any failures, she, who is afraid of getting hated, and I want to boast around that she is someone capable of being loved by everyone! I finally had Beatrice accompany me. I want to make her happy as much as the time she had been in pain. She, has the right to be happy!”
That is whyーー,
Subaru: “ーーThe reason why you don’t give up, is just because you love everyone! Bloody bastard! Why aren’t you a superhuman! Why, are you still an idiotic brat!!”
‘Subaru’: “ーーーー”
Subaru: “Be strong like Reinhardt! Be someone who can do anything like Julius! If you can’t do that then be useful like Ferris! How about exceeding in a single thing like Wilhelm-san!? Choose even one, for you to……”
By taking time and even experiencing agony, what he realised was merely that.
That『Natsuki Subaru』was an ordinary human, that he possessed only the cards which were the same as what Subaru did, that he extremely lacked skill in properly utilising them, that neither did he have good fortune when it came to victory and defeat.
Even, a single one of just thoseーー,
Subaru: “Any single one of them……”
With a powerless voice, having forfeited all spirit, he whispered.
Any single one of them, even a single one of them, grasping tightly the hand incapable of wielding anything.
Subaru: “……You, are Louis, aren’t you.”
With a husky voice, he uttered a query unrelated to what he had said till now.
Listening to that,『Subaru』, who had remained silent for long nodded, saying “Ah”.
‘Subaru’: “No. I’m not Louis. Unfortunately, I won’t? say even that. I’d rather not have her disturbing. You don’t need an explanation for her personality being the worst, do you?”
Subaru: “Yeah…… I guess, so.”
Responding with a meagre, feeble voice, Subaru hid his own face with his arms.
Concealing that his throat had shrivelled up due to his howling up until the previous moment, oozily, pain started to well up in his fist which had hit『Subaru』.
If this was the Hall of Memories, then Subaru’s body could not be stated to be a real entity here, is how it was supposed to be, and yet, it was absurd that he could feel pain.
ーーYes, pain,『Death』, was ever absurd and ever difficult to bear.
That was accurately why, the Sin Archbishop of『Gluttony』, Louis Arneb was mistaken.
The thought of wishing? for that by one’s own accord, was unmistakably mistaken.
Subaru: “……Why did you, disappear.”
‘Subaru’: “Hm?”
Subaru: “Why did you vanish away. You disappeared, that caused, so many hardships……”
The impetus of the ever present incomprehension, and the origin of everything.
The reason why『Natsuki Subaru』disappeared, and Natsuki Subaru was born.
Just what happened to the body of『Natsuki Subaru』, who had disappeared alongside his memories.
Subaru: “The reason why you disappeared……”
‘Subaru’: “……That was a total miss on my part. I entered『Taygeta』with the intention of finding a way to capture Reid. Then, through the series of events, it was all great till I found Reid’s book, but……”
Subaru: “……Then, Reid’s book turned out to be empty.”
‘Subaru’: “Then I was put in the same bowl as『Gluttony』. The rest is, you probably get it even without me having to say it.”
Scratching his head,『Subaru』looked back onto his own shame.
Encountering Louis Arneb in the Hall of Memories,『Natsuki Subaru』had gotten『Memories』stolen. And, forgetting all of his life in the different world until that point, his self, of course, created Natsuki Subaru who could not apprehend the feelings of the people around him.
‘Subaru’: “Don’t depreciate yourself like that…… Would be difficult even if I tell you so, huh. After all, you are me.”
Subaru: “……『Natsuki Subaru』is a weak, petty, irredeemable huge idiot.”
‘Subaru’: “That’s not wrong.”
Subaru: “But.”
‘Subaru’: “ーー?”
Whilst making a wry smile and gesturing his agreement,『Subaru』raised his eyebrows in response to Subaru, who had whispered powerlessly.
While looking at that『Subaru』, Subaru voiced the continuance of the words he had held back.
That wasーー,
Subaru: “ーーYou are, an amazing guy,『Natsuki Subaru』.”
ーーThat was, his honest opinion lacking all exaggeration, having witnessed him『Return by Death』greater than twenty times.
△▼△▼△▼△
“ーーーー”
Whilst looking at the man before him, he steadily narrowed his eyes.
With a face he was used to looking at, with a face he was tired of looking at, a face he thought that was even was distressful to look at, it was his own self. It was his own self, it was not his own self, though it was his own self, he did not believe it to be his own self.
That face had a reaction as if having been pricked with something unanticipated for the first time, it was gratifying.
Subaru: “……The closest person, huh.”
There were not many humans who loved their own self from the bottom of their heart.
Subaru particularly belonged to that category, and Subaru hated himself. Perhaps『Natsuki Subaru』was no different in that regard either. ーーSubaru,『Subaru』, hated himself.
However, as the closest person, when Natsuki Subaru saw『Natsuki Subaru』, to say this would be exceedingly embarrassing but, so cool, was the thought that crossed his mind.
Subaru: “I respect you, who is weak, hopeless, unable to do anything, but still, continues to struggle, and loves them. That’s whyーー”
‘Subaru’: “ーーーー”
Subaru: “ーーThe meaning of me, reading your『Book of the Dead』, was there.”
He had not opened up the『Book of the Dead』merely in order to gnash his weakness, to grieve the cease of trails, to slam grudges on his self who had the same face as his own self.
Of course, neither was it to have the megalomania of following? up to the superhuman Natsuki Subaru’s? roots and attaining unparalleled strength, granted.
What he sought was learning that『Natsuki Subaru』was merely human, his deeds, his path.
Subaru: “……You sure are a guy, who says embarrassing stuff suddenly, you.”
『Subaru』, who had remained frozen by Subaru’s oration until then, abruptly came alive.
『Subaru』had his eyes narrowed at the ill humourーー no, in a state of feeling somewhat awkward, he sharply gazed at Subaru and slowly stretched his fingers ahead,
‘Subaru’: “It’s pretty questionable for me to say it myself, but you sure can say all that after having looked back onto my entirety up until now. Now that it’s mentioned, it’s『Natsuki Subaru Starting Life in a Different World from Zero』, you know.”
Subaru: “Ah, it feels so weird to have the leading actor’s name be the same as yourself.”
‘Subaru’: “It’s better than having the heroine have the same name as your mom, isn’t it…… No, not that.”
Unreservedly reciprocating persiflage, Subaru exchanged a gaze with『Subaru』.
『Subaru』, who somewhat seemed to have tasted an under-shoulder swing down, he pointed at himself with his hand and,
‘Subaru’: “I had said all that earlier, but is this seriously okay? The possibility of me being a fake of Louis is not supposed to have completely disappeared, you know.”
Subaru: “It has disappeared. You didn’t revert even after I seriously hit you.”
‘Subaru’: “I mean, to revert back by that is just in the case of Yanagisawa’s copy ability……”
As per『Subaru’s』objections, that could not truly be used as rationale.
However, at that point in time, Subaru had let go of his scepticism regarding『Subaru』.
The reason for that was perhaps what『Subaru』had commented earlier.
For argument’s sake, even if Louis Arneb ate away one’s life away from head to toe without sparing a single part, he believed that she would not be able to reconstruct that face, that voice.
Because she did not have the ability to comprehend blessedness, felicity, happiness.
That is whyーー,
Subaru: “She, who loved nobody, cannot understand the emotion of『Returning by Death』for the sake of someone you love.”
‘Subaru’: “ーーーー”
『Subaru』before his eyes kept silent, as Subaru took a long, painful inhale.
Now that he had voiced it out, it was terribly stale, naught but sweet nothings pleasing to hear, nothing more. Yet he had been unable to discover any other responses.
That is why the『Subaru』before his eyes was unquestionably『Natsuki Subaru』.
Subaru: “Why are you, here? Were you waiting, for me?”
He recognised the『Subaru』before his eyes to be possessing the same roots as himself.
On top of that, the doubt surfacing in his mind, was regarding the two Subaru happening upon each other here.
Upon that question of Subaru’s,『Subaru』firmly stepped on the pure white floor,
‘Subaru’: “The reason why you and I met each other here, is because this place is the sole point of contact between you and me.”
Subaru: “The point of contact, between you and me……”
‘Subaru’: “The reason me, who has『Memories』within the tower, and you, who doesn’t have『Memories』, crossed over is just because of the『Book of the Dead』of this area. Both ahead of this and before this, you and I couldn’t have met each other.”
Subaru: “ーー. On second thought, let’s go back to the first question. Why, are you here?”
Without digesting the explanation『Subaru』gave, Subaru, once again, cast the same question.
Strictly speaking, he could not comprehend the logic behind the two Subaru coming across each other here. It ended up being that『Subaru』, who possessed『Memories』, and Subaru, who did not possess『Memories』, both existed alongside each other.
ーーThe rules of the formation of a『Book of the Dead』, its intricacies were unknown.
Now that if it were to be mentioned, the book of『Natsuki Subaru』piling up the count of deaths up until now was strange in itself. Precisely that was a phenomenon which if the『Deaths』of『Natsuki Subaru』were not being observed from outside of the world, it would not come into existence.
Did that mean, that Od Lagna fulfilled the role of that observer.
Subaru: “But if that’s the case then Louis, who was in the Hall of Memories, if she had been observing『Return by Death』, I don’t know for what reason she would be in such high spirits. If she can recognise that from the outside……”
‘Subaru’: “She may be staying in the Hall of Memories, but she can’t be its ruler. It’s ruler is…… probably a guy even more nasty, I think. If you consider it from this situation.”
Subaru: “I get it when you say it’s a nasty guy. The one most plausible is……”
Halting words there for once, Subaru and『Subaru』collectively stated.
“ーーThe『Sage』Flugel.”
They called that, to be the ill-natured utmost plausible personage.
The personage who had connections to the establishment of this Pleiades Watchtower, installing a『Trial』such that Reid was placed in it, furthermore, imposing an ascetic of unknown termination upon Shaula for four hundred years.
In all honesty, Shaula was pitiable. If it would be possible, then he wanted to snatch her away from that master of her’s.
Subaru: “Then, the reason for my self, both possessing and not possessing『Memories』existing alongside is……”
‘Subaru’: “ーー. That’s the type of question difficult to find an answer for. Since I am here, and you are here”
Subaru: “That’s just how, it is, huh……?”
Whilst feeling a sense of unease, catching『Subaru’s』words, Subaru drew his chin in.
The truth is it had been the kind of question lacking a question setter. Even if theories of some kind were to be arrived at, in the end, they could never provide the answer.
If this question must be investigated thoroughly, and the answer must be found, then it wasーー,
Subaru: “As long as you truly aren’t Louis Arneb, it shouldn’t be a problem.”
‘Subaru’: “That’s a pretty bothersome way to confirm. Do you, really trust me?”
Subaru: “I trust you I trust you. If you let me hit you one more time on the other side, I’ll trust you more.”
‘Subaru’: “Is that so. I wouldn’t say it’s the best bargain, you know.”
Interchanging frivolous dialogue in a relaxed manner, Subaru shrugged his shoulders at『Subaru’s』words.
The cowardly way of conversation for delaying the core of the dialogue like this, with other people aside, but when it was used with oneself it got seen through far too easily.
That is why, Subaru took it upon himself and for the third time, fired the same question.
Subaru: “He~y, another me. ーーFor what purpose, are you here?”
‘Subaru’: “ーーーー”
Subaru: “You must also be knowing, I won’t listen to something like that.”
Upon『Subaru’s』attitude, who opted for reticence, Subaru whispered with his black eyes straitened. Even after hearing that, he did not return back persiflage similar to the one until now.
Instead of that, what levitated in『Subaru’s』black eyes was the radiance that had always been present since the beginning.
Perhaps that was, often called, what is known as, the feeling of guiltーー,
‘Subaru’: “ーーHey, what do you think will happen, in unification of memories?”
That was why, Subaru had deliberately asked that question cheerfully.
△▼△▼△▼△
“ーーIn the pattern of a conversation about this trick, what would be the normal answer, huh.”
“I have no idea. Clearly, it feels like something which has no answer to it.”
“To be honest, you seem to be the more knowledgeable one here, do you know about any rules that would be advantageous to know about which I don’t?”
“You read the book dissecting me, didn’t you. It’s as likely as not.”
“As likely as not, huh.”
“As likely as not.”
“……If you and I carelessly bump into each other and one eliminates the other, if it’s something like that, what will you do?”
“Don’t say all that. Whatever you think when you’re anxious, generally I also think the same when I’m anxious, that’s why.”
“That’s that. Then, no hard feelings no matter which one wins, hm?”
“No, I sure will be crazy bitter. And so if I’ll be bitter, then that means you’ll be bitter too.”
“Well, I guess so. That’s, probably right. Hm, pretty shallow-■ed huh.”
“What did you say?”
“Pretty shallow-■ed…… huh, is something wrong?”
“……No, I just probably misheard, I guess.”
“ーーーー”
“ーーーー”
“Ah, that’s right. There are some things you may wonder about their possibility, so there are some things I want to tell you, can I?”
“Well, since you’ve heard everything I’ve said up till now go right ahead and say anything.”
“Originally, you were more informed than me regarding this world…… though that advantage has more or less disappeared by me reading the『Book of the Dead』, there are some things that have changed a bit, you know?”
“Things that have changed?”
“After losing『Memories』, I talked to everyone, I got to know everyone…… it’s the story of『Natsuki Subaru Starting Life in a Different World from Zero』you don’t know about.”
“ーーーー”
“First up, Meili, okay. She’s a bit, in various ways, saddled with bombs upon herself so it’s rough but she understands if you talk to her so please, properly talk to her. I’m imagining Meili-senpai to be pretty angry right now.”
“Yeah, got it.”
“And then, there’s this huge scorpion wandering about inside the tower, but it’s true identity is Shaula. That makes things really dangerous but…… she’s not doing that, because she wants to. Please, help her too.”
“Yeah, got it.”
“Oh, by the way, I forgot to say this, but when I met Louis I got my back kicked hard by Rem. Back then, I didn’t remember Rem, so it was only after I read the book did I recall what kind of a girl Rem was, but…… hmm, as expected, that had been my Rem.”
“No, it’s my Rem, you know.”
“No, mine.”
“Mine.”
“ーーーー”
“ーーーー”
“Ram had said. That when the season of snowmelt arrives, things invisible will be visible and will surely show their faces…… As expected of her.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“About that guy Julius….. well, it’ll be fine even if I don’t say anything, isn’t it. He’s not that unreliable, that I must tell you something about him.”
“Yeah, agreed.”
“Thank you, for apologising, to dad, and mom.”
“Yeah, hm.”
“Thank you, for saving Otto, and Garfiel.”
“Yeah.”
“Thank you, for saving Petra, Frederica, and everyone from Irlarm village.”
“Yeah.”
“Thank you, for taking Beatrice out, and holding her hand.”
“ーーーー”
“Emilia……”
“ーーーー”
“Thank you, for falling in love, with Emilia. I also, love her. I really love her.”
“……Yeah, I know.”
“ーーNatsuki Subaru. You are an amazing guy, I sincerely know that, if it’s you then it’ll certainly be alright.”
“Yeah.”
“ーーーー”
“Hm…… I guess so.”
“ーーーー”
“Yeah. ーーIf it’s us, then it’ll certainly be alright.”
△▼△▼△▼△
“It’ll be alright, huh.”
“Yeah, that’s right. Yeah, it’ll be alright.”
“You, are amazing, I sincerely know that.”
“……Yeah, but, hm. I have to say, that.”
“ーーーー”
“ーーLooks like my summer vacation is, over.”
△▼△▼△▼△
With a shake of their hands, a clichéd exchange had been the finale.
Subaru: “ーーーー”
He inhaled, and exhaled.
Likely, the unification had not been conducted in an irregular form. ーーNo, by all rights, there had been no supposition of the process of unification being carried out in this place.
Subaru’s very existence, all happenings that had very much occurred, all of them had been irregular.
That is whyーー,
Subaru: “ーーーー”
Standing stock still, Subaru finally noticed the tears rivulet down his own cheeks, when they dripped down his chin and fell as droplets.
For some reason or another, he did not feel like wiping them off, as seemingly those streaming tears certainly had not been shed by Subaru, is what it appeared as.
The tears shed by someone, who was right now, steadily melting together with Subaru, within Subaru.
And, repeatedly breathing deeply, he went around the consciousness within his mind. What had been scorched within his own memories, wereーー,
Subaru: “ーー~hk.”
Suddenly, twenty『Deaths』Natsuki Subaru was unmindful of, flashed back.
All of them, told of struggling and writhing within the tower, and the numerous『Deaths』which became a part of the course of events tastedーー as if getting taken over, the visuals of all worrying sections established a connection.
They had established a connection, but.
Subaru: “Even you, are crossing over the bridge more than sufficiently, you know……!”
His other self, who had lined up words thoroughly commending Subaru. Digesting his fight in solitude and his heavy struggle for trusting his comrades, Subaru arrived to an understanding.
Certainly, it was just as what Subaru had stated. ーーI can, respect you.
With such thoughts, deep breathing as if trying to decelerate his eccentrically rapid pulsebeat, he bowed his head.
After that, Subaru raised his face, and glared towards the front.
That was, the unchanging white space.
The area of blank space resulting from the Hall of Memories, which had produced his irregular state.
The place where another Subaru had been until merely a few moments earlier, who had shaken hands with Subaru. ーーLooking down onto the petite shadow of someone crowding that space, Subaru straitened his black eyes.
Andーー,
Subaru: “So. Did you get to see what you wanted to see. ーーLouis Arneb.”
Subaru softly asked that to the one who had proceeded to read through the『Books of the Dead』and had reached this place and subsequently disappeared, Natsuki Subaruーー no, Louis Arneb.