性瘾者

[IT SOUNDS like a lie.]

Neoma didn\'t know whether to laugh or curse after hearing Rubin say that he loved her.

Fortunately, she had a resting bitch face at the moment.

And that seemed to scare the young lord.

"What I mean to say is I loved you, Princess Neoma," Rubin said, obviously flustered because of her indifference. "What I felt for you in my first life was genuine. I really did fall in love with you and not with Regina Crowell. Although I treasured Regina as a friend, she was never the love of my life."

Neoma already had a hunch that it was the case after Trevor told her about Dilan Crowell possessing Rubin Drayton\'s body.

Moreover, she remembered that Rubin used to have a "split personality."

"When we met as kids in this lifetime, I thought you had a split personality, Lord Rubin."

"That\'s what I thought, too," Rubin said, smiling bitterly. "But, most of the time, I don\'t remember what I\'m doing. It\'s as if someone else takes over. And, apparently, that\'s exactly the case."

"When did you realize that someone else was possessing your body?"

"The moment the soul got locked out of my body," Rubin explained, clutching his chest tight. "All this time, my body has always felt heavy as if it wasn\'t mine."

[It\'s probably because Dilan Crowell used his body as a vessel.]

"But recently, my body feels light. I finally feel like my body belongs to me," Rubin said, and his expression brightened up. "According to my father, our family knights saw Your Royal Highness\' aide, the Sorcerer, attack me. Then I remember what the Sorcerer told me about the knight before I fell unconscious."

"What did Trevor say to you?"

Trevor was too lazy to give Neoma a detailed report. He would only say what he felt like saying to her.

[And that\'s why Trevor isn\'t qualified to be my secretary.]

"The Sorcerer told me that he put a spell similar to a barrier to help me prevent getting possessed again," Rubin said, then he scratched his cheek as if he was embarrassed. "He also told me that he\'d kill me if I let myself get possessed again."

[Yep, that totally sounds like Trevor.]

"I\'m not as powerful as the Sorcerer, but I\'m still on a Sword Master\'s level," Rubin said, his cheeks turning pink as if he was embarrassed. "Now that I\'m aware I had been possessed all this time, I wouldn\'t fall for the same trick again."

The level of a Sword Master would be impressive for normal people.

But for people on the same level as Neoma, a Sword Master was considered pretty average. The standards were pretty different since Neoma was already on the same levels as the gods.

That was probably why she saw Rubin as someone frail.

Goddammit.

[My savior complex is acting up again.]

"I don\'t think the crows have any use to House Drayton anymore, so I guess you could relax in the meantime," Neoma said bluntly. "As far as I know, Hanna has already screwed with the Drayton\'s main source of income. The only reason the crows targeted you was for your money. And, well, your body since Dilan Crowell used you as his vessel. But since the Draytons are on their way to bankruptcy, and Dilan Crowell already lost his complete control over you, I don\'t think the crows would still be interested in you."

Rubin chuckled while shaking his head. "You\'re very blunt, Princess Neoma."

"I told you– I don\'t have much time on my hands," she reminded him coldly. "We\'re getting a little sidetracked, don\'t you think so?"

He flinched as if he didn\'t expect her to be THAT cold.

"Lord Rubin, I\'m no longer the Neoma that you loved in your first life," Neoma said calmly. "And you\'re no longer the Rubin that I loved in my first life. What do you want me to do after telling me that you remember your first life, along with the fact that you genuinely loved me?"

Rubin\'s gaze fell to the floor as if he was afraid to meet her eyes.

[Is he feeling guilty?]

"To be honest, it\'s been too long for me already, Lord Rubin," Neoma said, sighing. "I no longer remember the Rubin that I loved in the past. Every time I reminisce about my previous life, all I remember is the you that hurt me– emotionally and physically."

Rubin raised his head as if he was shocked by her revelation.

"You heard it right," Neoma said, nodding. "The Rubin in my memories dared to hurt me physically."

He felt guilty even though it was probably Dilan Crowell who tormented her in the past.

"Don\'t apologize," Neoma said when she noticed Rubin was about to open his mouth. "Whether it was you or Dilan Crowell, I would never forgive you. So, don\'t bother apologizing."

Rubin\'s jaw clenched as he avoided her gaze.

"You probably think it\'s unfair to be blamed for something you did out of your will," Neoma said, watching Rubin\'s expression at the moment. "But, to be honest, I just simply don\'t give a fuck, Lord Rubin."

"Do you not feel anything for me anymore, Princess Neoma?"

"I do have some remaining feelings for you."

Rubin quickly turned to her with hopeful eyes.

"I like your face," Neoma said bluntly. "But that\'s it. My feelings for you are just as shallow as that. To me, you\'re nothing more than a mere eye candy."

Saying that much would definitely hurt Rubin\'s feelings, right?

She wasn\'t being petty.

Hurting him on purpose was just her trying to snap the young lord back to reality.

[I don\'t want Rubin to have feelings for me in this lifetime just because he loved in the previous life that he remembers.]

"That\'s enough for me. At least for now."

What the fuck?

Neoma raised an eyebrow at Rubin whose expression suddenly lightened up. "I shouldn\'t have said that," she said, instantly regretting praising Rubin\'s face. "Hey, Rubin Drayton. Don\'t get your hopes up."

"I won\'t."

"Your face says otherwise."

"Can we at least be friends, Princess Neoma?"

"Of course not."

Rubin just laughed softly.

Goddammit!

[He\'s so fucking handsome, especially when he smiles and laughs like that!!!]

"Get out of here, Lord Rubin," Neoma said, sighing while shooing Rubin away with her hand. "I have a very important guest waiting outside."

Rubin, who definitely noticed the presence outside, nodded. Then he bowed politely toward her. "See you later, Princess Neoma."

"Whatever~"

Again, Rubin chuckled before leaving the Balcony.

And that was when Neoma\'s fake nonchalance finally slipped away.

***

"YOU DID well holding it in, Neoma."

Haaah.

Neoma laughed softly at what Hanna said, then her smile quickly vanished as tears rolled down her face. "He said he loved me in the past, Hanna. The Rubin that I loved so much back then actually loved me, too."

Of course, it didn\'t matter anymore.

However, after hearing Rubin\'s confession earlier, it was as if the Neoma of the first timeline suddenly stirred to life.

This might already be her third life, but the other Neomas still dwelled in her heart.

"I know it\'s foolish, but a small part of me felt so fucking happy after hearing Rubin say that he loved me," Neoma said between sobs, clutching her chest tight. "And I was so fucking happy for the Neoma of the first timeline. She was loved. I was loved. But I wished Rubin said that to the previous me."

Because it was Neoma of the first timeline who craved to be loved.

It was Neoma of the first timeline who was desperate to be loved back by Rubin.

Worst of all, it was Neoma of the first timeline who thought she died alone and unloved.

"It\'s probably the Neoma of the first timeline talking right now, but I really loved Rubin," Neoma said, now sobbing like a child. She couldn\'t help it. The part of her heart that Neoma of the first timeline occupied currently hurt like hell. "I couldn\'t help but think of the what ifs that could have happened if the crows didn\'t get in the way. I couldn\'t help but wonder if Rubin and I would have been happy if Regina and Dilan Crowell didn\'t screw us over. Now I feel bad for Neoma of the first timeline. She was loved, but she lived like she was unwanted."

That was probably the reason for her tears.

Neoma of the first timeline didn\'t deserve all the shit that she had gone through in the past.

Neoma of the first timeline deserved the world.

And the fact that the current Neoma had all the good things that her previous self deserved fucking hurt.

"Why do I have to live several lives just to finally be happy?" Neoma complained, her tears and sobs uncontrollable. "I feel bad for Neoma of the first timeline– I feel bad for her because I can no longer love the man that she cherished in the past."

***

[NEOMA is happy, right?]

Ah.

[It should be \'Princess Neoma\' now.]

Rubin, who found himself in the dark part of the garden in front of the Callisto Hall, stopped walking and stared at the full moon above.

The memories of his first life with Neoma were short but clear.

Rubin loved Neoma, and Neoma loved him back.

[We were happy.]

But that was all in the past now.

The present Princess Neoma didn\'t and couldn\'t love Rubin anymore.

[I should be satisfied that Her Royal Highness didn\'t kill me as soon as she returned to the past.]

He should be satisfied that Princess Neoma was finally happy in her rightful place now.

"Don\'t be greedy, Rubin Drayton," Rubin whispered to himself, his tears rolling down his cheeks silently. "You don\'t deserve Princess Neoma."

Rubin made a resolve to only admire Princess Neoma from afar…

… just like how one would admire the moon.

[Let\'s be useful to Princess Neoma by helping Princess Hanna become the Shadow Pillar.]

***

Hi! I posted a new 4-panel comic featuring SAINT DOMINIC and PRINCESS NICHOLE. And they just received some good news. Go to my k/o-fi page (ko-fi. com/sola_cola) to find out what it is.

Lastly, the May Challenge would end tomorrow and I haven\'t reached my target yet. I really want to win it. Please donate/buy a coffee if you can. Thank you. TT

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