交换:年轻夫妇

[A/N: Lindy's not stupid or a social justice warrior. She just has an equal opportunity temper problem, which is awesome when it's on the mc's side. Thanks for reserving judgment. :)]

—

"Well, today confirmed it. Humans are a horrifying race of creatures." Lindy scoffed.

A petite woman with slightly-curly, shoulder-length, dark brown hair was storming down a campus road.

Behind her was a blood-soaked hellscape riddled with human and demon bodies.

She wore a light white cardigan over a black shirt and leggings, both soaked with water.

It was better to describe it as pink, as her power didn't materialize soap. She was annoyed to learn she'd have to wait until level 30 to get that skill.

As for her eyes… hellfire and brimstone were raging in her golden hazel eyes.

"They're not all bad, Lindy. Some people are good." Sarah replied timidly.

Sarah wore an equally soaked pink shirt, black shorts, and white tennis shoes.

Her light brown, bob-cut hair was highlighted by her light green eyes and large pink glasses, which made her attractive face seem slightly quirky.

"Were." Linda chuckled sardonically.

"Were?" Sarah asked in confusion.

"Yeah. Some people [were] good. Good men and women are the first to get ignored in peace times and first to die in the apocalypse." Lindy asserted.

"The people who ignored them are still alive, and their survival rate somehow correlates with their placement on the assault meter."

Sarah's face turned bright red before turning depressed and grave.

"It's true people have turned rotten. But that's a bit extreme, don't you think?" She whispered.

"Oh? Lowkey Leon asked for a creepy harem power to attract women," Lindy laughed, "Less than a minute later, Fuck-boy Able tried to kill him while he was unconscious in hopes of forcing Caitlyn to join him."

,m Sarah winced in remembrance.

"Then Tiny-Dick Tim and his Menstrual-Cycle-Hunter Martin tried forcing [us] into their harem with an Uzi and killed themselves." Lindy scoffed, "That was the first two minutes of the apocalypse."

Sarah fell silent and continued walking.

"I wish there was a resurrection power so I could revive and kill Tim." Lindy growled, "I'd give up an a divine item to pull that off."

"W-WAIT! Did you see the shooter, Leon!?"

Lindy stopped walking and pushed her hand in front of Sarah.

"Why are you—"

"Shhhhhh!" Lindy hushed aggressively.

"It-It's just that she's deceiving you! She's been obsessively stalking you!"

"Wait, is that Tim!?" Lindy growled.

"Yeah, that's what I heard too…." Sarah replied in astonishment.

The two couldn't hear Leon but could barely hear Timothy, who was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"S-So you know Caitlyn's been stalking you since you were 15!?"

"Wait. Leon? Caitlyn?" Sarah asked.

"Wait! Stalking? That piece of shit is lying! She has a crush on him, but stalking is a comical—"

"And that detail doesn't bother you!?"

"Wait, what!?" Lindy cried. "Sarah, let's find where they're talking from!"

She grabbed Sarah's hand and ran at full speed toward the noise.

Their footsteps and breathing blocked most of it out, but they showed up in time to see a shirtless angel with a man wearing only boxers on her back.

"What the fuck!?" Lindy cried while running for a better angle.

That's when she saw it.

"Leon's choking Caitlyn in his shoes and boxers, and she's princess carrying Rapisical Stick!?" She growled.

"Lindy, calm down! There's nowhere else for him to grab!" Sarah retorted.

It was true. Leon's arms were fully extended, and his elbows were pushed together unnaturally.

He looked like a monkey in a tight spot.

"True… let's listen…." Lindy grumbled.

"It's not the same. And my name's Tim!"

…

"Yeah, what's the difference!? And my name is fucking Tim! "

…

"aghhhhhhhhhhhhHH YOUUUUU BIIIIITCCCCCHHHHHH—" BOOM!

"Wait, what the fuck just happened!?" Lindy cried.

"I-I don't…." Sarah whispered in disbelief.

"I get dropping him, but why'd Leon throw water in the air, and why does it look like she casually forgot he was in her arms!?" Lindy cried.

When Leon turned toward the sound of a female yelling, he closed his eyes in anguish.

"We should have put him on trial…." He sighed in regret. "Or I could have at least not made a demonstration of my psychotic powers."

Without him realizing it, Leon had attracted his two targets to him. If he had put them on trial, or at least had him killed in an act of vengeance, he'd be a hero.

Instead, the two were now aware he was a psychopath and would blame Caitlyn's psychotic nature on him too.

"Caitlyn…. Lindy and Sarah, don't—aghhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Leon was trying to say they should land and cover up the marks on her neck. Instead, he triggered her into a state of mania.

"Caitlyn! Uh… Cait… CAITLYN, SLOW DOWN!" Sarah screamed in panic as the angel flew at her at top speed.

Lindy grabbed her and jumped out of the way, only to see that she had ground to a halt.

"Please act normal…." Leon prayed with his eyes closed.

"I'm so glad you two are alive!" Caitlyn cried in happiness.

Lindy and Sarah's panic wore off, and they immediately felt tears welling up as they stared at their friend.

"You're glad we're alive!? We're glad YOU'RE alive!" Lindy cried, "We saw you two crash land into the middle of a death-festered hellscape!"

"Well, that's true, but Leon—"

"Just surviving the men out here is a death sentence, how did you—WAIT! What happened to your neck!?" Lindy screamed in a rage.

Caitlyn's neck was bruised from flying at top speed under Leon's grip.

It wouldn't have been bruised if she warned him and didn't intentionally increase the speed for maximum sexual pleasure.

"Wait! This isn't what it looks like!" Caitlyn exclaimed.

"Isn't what it looks like!? I get holding on to fly on your back, but why is Leon choking you to the point of bruising in his fucking underwear!"

"I can explain—"

"Caitlyn… you don't have to lie to us. We're strong and can protect you from—"

"No! Wait, as I said—" Caitlyn said in a panic.

"You added Caitlyn to your harem, didn't you!?" Lindy screamed.

"Lindy—"

"Aren't you going to say something Mr. DV Harem Lord!?" Lindy growled.

Leon sighed in exasperation. "Are you going to listen or just keep asking rhetorical—"

"Stop the sophistry! Why the fuck aren't you answering my questions?" Lindy seethed while putting up her hands.

Caitlyn and Leon disappeared.

"Wait, where the fuck—"

A strong gust of wind hit Lindy in the face, and when she turned to it, she was face to face with Caitlyn.

"Put your hands down before I rip them off and choke you to death with them, cunt."

Her eyes were like pitch-black voids that stole the souls of mortals.

"W-Wait, what the fuck!? Okay! Tell her to stand down, Leon! Please don't kill me!" Lindy pleaded while jumping back and putting her hands up.

"You're pleading with the wrong person." Leon sighed.

"Look, you can stop the—"

"Caitlyn!" Leon yelled at the top of his lungs.

The shirtless blond had her flat hand extended and was a centimeter away from Lindy's face.

"What the hell are you doing, Caitlyn?" Leon asked in disappointment.

Caitlyn's face flushed in embarrassment, she put her hand down and started fidgeting apologetically.

"Nothing bad… I was just trying to bitch-slap some sense into Lindy when—" Caitlyn replied meekly.

"Caitlyn, if you slapped Lindy, her head would've exploded." Leon sighed while jumping off her back. "I know it's only been a few hours, but you must be aware of your strength."

Caitlyn turned around and averted her eyes sheepishly.

"And now he's training her." Lindy grumbled under her breath.

She spoke breathlessly, but Leon and Caitlyn heard her clear as day.

Caitlyn balled her hand and started shaking.

"Leon…." Caitlyn said in a low, ominous voice. "Do we really need any other harem members?"

Leon closed his eyes in sheer mortification.

He was obsessed with maintaining a normal-ish image, before and after the apocalypse, especially with women. He was already crying internally. Now—

"Wait, what!? So you did! You did add her to your harem!" Lindy yelled irrationally. "Now you're having our brainwashed friend fly you around, half-naked, in search of more women!?"

Leon hugged Caitlyn aggressively the instant Lindy started talking.

Considering what Lindy had seen and what she had been through, Leon understood that she was justified.

However! Her lack of common sense and annoying brazenness made him wish—for a split second—he let Caitlyn slap some death in her.

"Lindy shut the hell up." Leon replied with eyes that could freeze a tundra.

Lindy froze in her place, and Sarah shook with fear. They had never seen him exhibit any negative emotion before. Just clowning.

Now he was authoritative and cold. The glare he was giving them was terrifying.

"I get your skepticism, but being right doesn't matter if you're [dead]."

Only then did Lindy notice Leon holding Caitlyn with all of his strength.

She wasn't trying to escape, but she was shaking in anger.

Lindy opened and closed her mouth multiple times.

"Are you okay?" Leon whispered to Caitlyn.

"Yes. I'm tired of everyone trying to kill you on sight." She replied bitterly.

"I know. This is just how the world is now." He replied with a gentle tone.

Sarah and Lindy watched the scene with perplexion written in their expressions.

"I'm letting you go. If we can't have a civilized conversation, we'll leave immediately.

Please don't get angry; they're not a threat to us." Leon said gently.

Lindy scoffed in annoyance, triggering him to take a deep, labored breath.

"If you think I'm patronizing you, I challenge you to release a gasp of killing intent without Caitlyn ripping your fucking skull off." Leon mocked in exasperation.

Lindy's expression crumbled, leaving her with a slack-jawed expression.

"Didn't you learn anything from a moment ago?" He asked in annoyance.

"You don't have to be a pig about it." Lindy replied in humiliation.

"Pig? I could give two fucks about your sex, gender, identity, race, nationality, body, or taste in fashion." Leon declared in a cold voice.

"You've demonstrated your stupid, and any argument against that is a political excuse."