BXBX NOVEL Chapter 604 Finding My Way Back To You (2)
No way would I let them hurt me again, no way I would let people fool me again.
I belong to this dark corner.
Having my back lean onto something sturdy, it feels like it was already secure enough.
Days went on and the cruelty of thirst and hunger was slowly eating away my sanity. Yet I know that it does not make me better if I eat something dangerous once more.
I could only sit and wait for my days to be over… That way I would finally be free of these hurts and confusion.
What good is it for me to live a life without reason?
Not even my memories are helping me have that good reason to continue living.
I stared blankly beyond space, emptying my mind which is only filled with memories I don\'t even want to remember.
I wish the days would pass quickly so that I would finally find my eternal sleep.
The pain may still hurt my body, but it had long made my heart numb.
I am already tired and the only thing I want is to have a rest.
Little did I know that the safe bubble I created would be intruded upon in just a short time.
Today, I felt a pair of captivating crystal blue eyes who had been staring at me at a distance finally come near the fence I made.
\'What is his ordeal?\' I asked myself as I looked at him.
I have already seen him with the man whom others called Kayden. He always maintained his distance but he was present every time these people tried to approach me.
Just like others, I could not figure out his intentions. However, something in my chest seemed to itch whenever I met his gaze.
It was as If I had seen him before and that he had brought me something more precious than anything I could ever imagine.
But I could not find any answer in the memories I had.
Today this mysterious man finally decided to approach me, however, he stopped just before he went beyond the border I made.
\'Did he figure out where it was?\'
"Eli…I brought your meal…" Suddenly the man started to talk to me and called my name
When I opened my eyes, the people around me already knew my name thus adding to the questions I had in mind.
Now this man also did the same and called me in such a familiar way.
I clenched my fist, not knowing who this person was as I dealt with my confusion. Why is it that among all the people who called me by my name, only his voice made me tremble and even feel moved?
The next thing he did was to bend down, holding something to his hand, he reached out and sent something toward me.
"Ahhh…" I exclaimed as the fear in me was triggered. This fear is deeply ingrained in every part of my being, causing terrorizing memories to flash before me like endless water.
The man suddenly raised his hands after saying something.
I could no longer hear nor understood what he was saying but I knew at this moment that he wanted to intrude.
I clutched my hair as I tried to cover my head in an attempt to protect myself. The shaking of my knees caused me to falter, so I could only squeeze into the dark corner, the only thing that I could lean on.
It\'s better here in the dark. I could not see anything, I could not see the threats coming at me.
Suddenly, a faint glow of light shone somewhere in my vision. I slightly looked up and my eyes saw something mystifying.
It was a magical thing, a bunch of little lights surrounding a wooden cup of unknown liquid. I was drawn to the sight displayed before me.
Beautiful, kind, and gentle.
Such a delicate and warm feeling was before me, yet how could I have the knowledge to judge if the thing in front of me is good or sinister?
Even so, my eyes continued to stare at it, not realizing that I was already getting lost in it, relaxing my vigilant awareness.
But that streak was suddenly broken when I felt another presence coming toward me.
I looked in the man\'s direction and instinctively paused as I met his stare.
Wanting to escape from his stare, I shifted my gaze away. Then and there, I saw yet another pair of eyes.
Two little blue crystal orbs blinked and looked at me. There was a certain liveliness in his eyes that was coated by innocence.
My gaze stayed on him and suddenly remembered.
\'Ah… He was that little child…\'
He was the very first and only one who was able to get near me since I opened my eyes. But remembering that moment, I furrowed my brows as I felt a painful pinch in my chest.
I remembered I almost hurt him because of my actions.
\'What is this feeling?\'
I stared at the two blankly, they were sitting on the floor observing me as they continued the magical display while sending something toward me.
My eyes were still drawn to the little twinkles of light in front of me, but my mind continued to seek the answers as to what kind of feeling I had in my chest.
Why did my body react strangely the moment the man called me by my name?
Why did the little child make my heart feel strange? His eyes also carried a hint of longing and somehow dependence.
But… Why is this kind of gaze directed toward me?
"Grooooowl…" My contemplation was suddenly interrupted by a faint sound of growling in front of me.
Suddenly, I saw the image of the man and the little child, it was one that caused a strange tremor inside me.
The little child reddened seemingly embarrassed. He lowered his head as if he was reprimanding his stomach for disturbing the silence.
"Are you hungry?" The man asked.
In his lap, the child looked at me with reluctance and shyness as he answered in his childish voice, "Johann can eat later, Daddi…"
\'So his name is Johann…\'
Caught by the scene in front of me I did not realize that I was already watching their every movement.
From their conversation, it seems that the man and child had a father-and-son relationship. Moreover, they were pertaining to someone called \'Mommy\'.
\'It should be the child\'s mother…\'
I concluded and wondered, where is she?
Silently, I watched their interaction. It was warm and loving, far from what my mind and my body could remember.
historical
\'I never experienced that kind of gentleness and warmth…\' I lamented while lowering my head to rest on my knees.
The scene before me sparked something strange inside me. It was longing and envy.
Why did I never experience that kind of warmth and love?
All I saw in my memories was loneliness and despair. Something that might actually define my identity.
A pitiful person.
\'They are lucky…\' I thought in my head as I watched them from a distance.
Inside the dark room, with only the twinkling lights coming from the magic display in front of me, I saw an image of love and tenderness, one thing that made me feel even lonelier.
But even as my heart lamented, I continued to watch their exchange until finally, the man managed to coax his little son to eat.
He scooped some food coming from his tray and before my eyes, I watched the little one taste the food in his bowl.
The way the little child beamed in delight upon tasting the food in his bowl was that of pure joy.
In ways I could never be able to explain, his very expression seemed to bring a sense of calm and satisfaction to my heart.
\'What is this?\'
\'What is this feeling?\'
\'Did they cast a spell to allure me to some illusion?\'
So many questions bugged me, making me feel uncomfortable.
\'Who am I?\'
I asked myself as the trouble in my mind peaked at its highest.
I knew that I could never find the answer by myself, which made me even feel more uncomfortable.
In the end, I felt resigned, giving up my struggle to understand what was happening inside me and in my surroundings.
I looked at the two once more, their smiles seemed to have an effect of making me feel at ease, but at the same time, vigilant as well.
This confusion, this fragmented feeling… this revolting realization that I am but an incomplete being, battled with the sight that I was witnessing.
In front of me was a warm loving scene, inviting me to somehow take part in it.
Deep inside me, were all bells of warning and tunes of terror.
I lowered my hand, feeling uncomfortable because of the turmoil I am experiencing. I remained calm outwardly, but inside, I was already looking for an oasis to calm me down.
The next moment, my hand stretched out at the class in front of me. When I realized it, it was already too late…
The sweet, cold yet refreshing taste of liquid had already reached my throat. It was too late to take my actions back.