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Chapter 70: Remember the human

Sitting beside her, Yazdegerd observed servants putting the food on the table. The appetizer was a yoghurt dip with grated cucumber and some garlic. Yazdegerd remembered seeing this dish before. He recalled it was called tzatziki. The main course included several dishes, such as souvlaki, roasted lamb and stuffed vegetables. For dessert, Yazdegerd snatched the first baklava he saw, stuffing himself with it. In a polite manner, of course. Once in a while, he looked beside him, only to see Roxane eating gracefully, enjoying the meal.

The meal finished without any incident. Yazdegerd saw how uncomfortable Rostam was in the beginning, but once the food got on the table, he was too engrossed by it. Everyone talked and watched the servants as they cleaned the tables and brought the used dishes back into the kitchen, with Rostam enjoying the afterglow of a good meal, but staying ever vigilant. It must\'ve been hard on him, in an unfamiliar environment, in a land whose tongue he did not understand.

Yazdegerd was enjoying himself much more than he anticipated, and much more than he would admit. But still, the atmosphere of the feast was something he surprisingly found pleasurable, despite the fact that this was supposed to be a stressful meeting. Of course, this blissful atmosphere couldn\'t last for long, as there still were official matters to settle. Heraclius nodded to Yazdegerd so that he would notice and understand what was about to happen. Yazdegerd steeled himself, somehow took control over the pounding muscle they call heart and stood up. Then, he knelt and stretched his hand towards the still-sitting Roxane, who was perplexed by his action at the start, but apparently caught up pretty quick.

They went, hand in hand, right after Heraclius, who was standing in a sort of centre of the room. It was the part that was made for announcements. People around them saw the commotion and soon, they had the attention of the whole hall, without even doing anything. But soon after that, the palace herald announced the whole affair.

"Esteemed guests, courtiers, officials, nobles and aristocrats, all important people of the Empire. We have gathered here today on behalf of our Basileus, His Majesty Heraclius, together with an important guest and our greatest ally, His Excellency Shahanshah Yazdegerd of the Sassanid Empire. Now, His Majesty will speak."

As the herald\'s cry ended, silence befell the hall, but was quickly changed with the deep voice of Heraclius.

"Important guests, today, I, your Basileus, Heraclius, would like to announce that the bond between The Roman Empire and Iranian Empire has been forged. As of today, I announce the engagement between my youngest daughter, Roxane, and the Sassanid Emperor, Yazdegerd III. Let us wish them only the best, both for them, but also for us, and let us hope further cooperation with the Persians will be pursued."

Clapping befell the room, sound of people expressing their agreement. Yazdegerd felt extremenly anxious as he waved with his free hand on the people. Without noticing, his clutch of Roxane\'s hand became even tighter throughout the speech. Not painfully so, but noticeably. His smile was somewhere between natural and forced, as he was happy about the whole affair, but was extremely embarrassed. Unsurprisingly.

He saw that Rostam was also in the crowd, chatting with a man around Rostam\'s age. Heraclius sent him a translator it seemed. Then, Rostam looked on Yazdegerd with the softest smile he ever made. Yazdegerd simply smiled back.

After a while, the commotion ended. People were returning to their seats, some were outright leaving, but Yazdegerd and Roxane stayed. Of course they did, the whole event was about them. Heraclius and some other apparently important people joined them at the table, without Rostam, who went outside to get some fresh air. They talked a lot, but mainly about Yazdegerd. He was constantly complimented for his language, his latest success in the war and, among other things, how such a young man can rule such a large nation. Yazdegerd answered all questions and compliments with honesty and graciousness, even though he knew most of them wanted to get on his good side. What he noticed and was most interested in, though, was the curious glances Roxane has been giving him the whole conversation.

After about an hour, the feast officially ended. Those who were able to go back to their rooms on their own did, and those who were too drunk to walk got help from some servants and guards. In the end, only Heraclius, Yazdegerd, Roxane and Rostam, who arrived later, remained.

"Care to go out on a terrace? The moon should be beautiful by now." Offered Heraclius. No one really had any reason to decline.

"We might as well. Perhaps even your moon will be different from ours. I have seen so many new things today..." smiled Yazdegerd.

"Of course our moon is the same as yours, you moron." Laughed Heraclius, who was a bit drunk. They arrived on a fairly large terrace, from where one could see both the Black sea, but also the mountains overlooking Trebizond.

"Beautiful." Proclaimed Yazdegerd. Roxane simply nodded in agreement, and Heraclius and Rostam stayed silent, enjoying the view. They talked for a while, Yazdegerd busy translating for Rostam. Eventually, Heraclius stood up from the stool he was sitting on, reinvigorated.

"Well, I say we go for another drink. What do you say?" he scanned the people present, looking mainly on Rostam. Yazdegerd shook his head and explained to Rostam what Heraclius said. Rostam simply smiled and also stood up. They both left, laughing for some reason. And so, only Yazdegerd and Roxane were left on the terrace, alone.

"Your father is a talkative one, isn\'t he? It wasn\'t how I imagined him to be, but perhaps it is better this way."

"He isn\'t like that all the time, though."

"Really? How is he normally then?"

Roxane hesitated a bit, as if deciding whether she should tell him. But eventually, she spoke up.

"He is usually very calm and collected. At meetings, he only ever puts up a stern face and speaks with an iron will. It\'s only with few people that he acts this way. And, also, when he\'s drunk." At those last words, she chuckled a bit. Yazdegerd smiled, thinking it was cute.

"So I am one of the \'chosen ones\', am I?" he laughed.

Roxane smiled and nodded. Silence befell these two, with none of them seemingly knowing what to say. But, after a while, Roxane mustered enough courage to speak up.

"And what about your parents? Did they send you alone or what?"

Yazdegerd was perplexed by this question. It awoke some kind of emotion within him. It wasn\'t as if he mourned his parents – he didn\'t even remember his mother, and he saw his father like once or twice in his life. He didn\'t remember them very well.

"Did your father not tell you? I have no parents."

Roxane\'s expression turned sour. She felt like she just stepped on a wound that would never heal, but Yazdegerd didn\'t share that sentiment. For him, the wound was never there.

"I\'m sorry, I didn\'t know..."

"Don\'t be. I don\'t even remember them, much less feeling sad about losing them." He smiled, as if to convey his reassurance more. He really didn\'t want her to feel sorry, or guilty.

"So you rule alone? I always thought my father meant that you are an heir."

Yazdegerd laughed.

"Yes, I rule alone. I myself am the Shahanshah of the Empire of all Iranians. I rule this Empire from my age of six. You see, I was born to an unfortunate pair. My mother was most likely a commoner, but my father was the brother of then-Shahanshah, which made me worthy enough to be considered an heir to the throne. Most other descendants died, so they didn\'t really have a choice but to have me take the throne." He laughed. "At first, my aunt was ruling as a sort of a regent, while I was being kept in a jail from when I was four. I don\'t really think she ever had any intention of passing the throne to me when I was of age, but I digress. She was murdered a few months after I turned six. The culprit? No one knows, and at the time no one cared enough to investigate." His face turned more serious, his expression stiffened. "You see, the Empire was in a horrible, decentralized state. Nobles, factions and other people with even a speck of influence were vying over the power over the Empire, and the ruler was unable to do anything. That was why they didn\'t care that my aunt was murdered. Perhaps they were even happy that, instead of her, a six year old will be ruling them. But, here we are now."

He smiled as he concluded his story. Roxane\'s expression was that of someone interested and listening intently. He looked at her, a bit embarrassed for some reason. Perhaps he felt as if he was boasting.

"So you rule... completely alone? Even though your basically the same age as me?"

"That\'s how it is sometimes. Sadly, I wasn\'t so fortunate to have a loving father beside me. Now that I think about it, there was no one who I could call a parent of sorts. But it didn\'t matter. It doesn\'t matter. I have already learned that a good ruler must not let his emotions get better of him. And that he has to steel himself no matter the circumstances."

The smile on his face appeared forced. The sad, painful emotions he so suddenly let appear didn\'t want to go away.

"But isn\'t that sad?"

This question threw Yazdegerd off.

"Sad?"

"I mean, holding your emotions in. Not letting them show. That in itself is sad, isn\'t it?"

Sad? Is that sad? But a good ruler had to be strong, right? He had to be stern and not show any weakness. Right? Isn\'t that right?

"I\'m afraid that it doesn\'t work that way in the real world. I am sure even Heraclius doesn\'t show his emotions when talking with his subjects on official meetings."

"You\'re right about that. But when he is with friends, with people he trusts, he shows more emotions than a normal human exactly because of that. Why do you not do the same? I feel like you\'re holding yourself back this whole time."

"Because..." because I have to be a good ruler. Because I can\'t show any weakness. Because I am... afraid. Afraid of not being accepted. Afraid of denial. Afraid of losing those I cherish the most. Afraid of myself.

The dam holding Yazdegerd\'s emotions had just been broken by a few words from his fiancé. He never thought of things this way. Always wanting to keep the best profile, to look as a great ruler and to never show any sign of weakness or attachment. But thanks to that, he was slowly losing the thing most precious to him – his own humanity. He didn\'t have to always think as a ruler. He didn\'t have to always be ahead, always worry about his responsibilities. Sometimes, it was okay, and even best to just live like a normal twelve-year-old would. He didn\'t have to make his whole life about one thing.

He understood and realized a lot of things. One of them was also the fact that he wasn\'t alone. He realized that Rostam, Farrukhzad, Jalinus, Bahman and other, they were more than mere subjects. More than simply people he ruled over. They were also his friends and people he cherished.

Tears rolled from his eyes down his cheek. He felt embarrassment, crying right in front of his fiancé. He also felt shame and sadness, but most of all he felt relief. Relief over the realization that he wasn\'t alone and that he had people he could rely on. And also the fact that this list of people had just been extended.

It wasn\'t as if he wailed. It all lasted only a few seconds. A few droplets of tears rolled down his face and that was it. But the impact it had on him was much bigger than it seemed. He calmed down quickly, put his head in his palms and breathed deeply. Roxane was simply watching him with a smile.

"You know, I feel like I should thank you. I am not sure how to deal with the feelings I have right now, but I am sure that\'s a positive thing."

"It was nothing. Have a good night."

"Have a good night, Roxane."

As Yazdegerd was leaving, he seemed to be a bit reluctant. Just before the exit he turned around.

"And, I never really got to say this the whole day, but you looked really good in that dress. Stunning even." As he said that, he smiled and then turned and went away. Roxane was left there, completely red in her face.

After a while, Heraclius returned, without Rostam. It seemed like he sobered a bit.

"Yazdegerd has left already? No worries then. So, tell me, my dear, what do you think of him?"

It didn\'t take long for Roxane to answer.

"Let\'s say that I see now why you chose him for me."

Heraclius giggled at that response, which only made Roxane realize what she said and turn red in embarrassment.

"I am simply glad you like him." Said Heraclius, now with a comforting smile.