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Lian

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"I\'m not sure if this makes me a bad parent or not either. Clearly, by the standards of normal society I did a good job, Feng will likely be looked at as an example of virtue… but I\'m not terribly happy with how things are shaking out now that the truth has come to the forefront. Feng is likely to be a better person than I… but also much more likely to end up dead, or taken advantage off," explained Meng with a sigh. 

"Well… I can see why that would be a problem… but doesn\'t the sect have like… spies and stuff? Also… can\'t Bing, myself and even you stick around to make sure that nobody takes advantage of him too much?" asked Lian. 

Meng gave a sad shrug, "I\'m not sure, about the second thing that is. I know we do have some spies, but they\'re all pretty basic. No assassinations even when we really should have people able to do that sort of thing on demand. It\'s all information gathering, and I kept it that way because they were never that good at it. As for keeping Feng safe… I don\'t know if he\'d let us hover over his shoulder. 

"Even if Feng does need that kind of watching, he might decide that he needs to strike out on his own, and from what I know of parenting, children need to be allowed to make their own mistakes, even into their early adulthood. Stopping them from living will just cause more resentment, and Feng already resents me a good deal, adding more on top of it is not something I\'d like to do…

"I\'m also not sure that he\'d trust me to properly vet anything clandestine… or just anything that all. I\'d listen to his orders… probably… but I just don\'t think Feng trusts my word enough for it to matter,"

"Maybe… I mean… look I don\'t really know Feng as well as Bing… but that seems… a bit of sad way to look at things. Still… I don\'t know what to tell you, I\'ve just seen the twins again for the first time in a few days, and this is the first I\'m hearing about Feng\'s issues being more than just a feeling of betrayal… so… I don\'t know how I can help you here Meng," said Lian. 

"See, I shouldn\'t have bothered you with it," said Meng with a sigh, "Now you\'ve just got extra baggage, and I\'m not closer to an answer,"

"Hey," said Lian as she hugged Meng back a bit tighter, "I\'m sure you feel a bit better just from sharing that, I don\'t mind hearing it… I just…" *Well, really, I don\'t know what to do but that\'s not going to convince her. Frankly… I don\'t think I can convince Feng of anything. He\'s stubborn like that, and now… well I don\'t really what he\'s like now but there might be something.* "… need some time to think about it, that\'s all. Perhaps watch Feng a bit, maybe talk to him myself, and probably get yelled at," 

Meng sighed and pulled Lian back in for a tight hug before letting her go. "It\'s nice to hear that. I guess… with that out of the way… I wanted to ask… well what do you think of everything? Of being forced to run away?"

"Well, I already said it didn\'t I? You\'ve been my mother for a lot longer then just today, you\'ve cared for me more than my real one and I can\'t find myself to care about some bad things that you may or may not have done in the past…" said Lian. 

"I very much did them," interrupted Meng. "I am not a good person, and I don\'t want you to think that I AM a good person, or that I\'m aiming to be a good person. I\'m aiming to be a mother my children can love, and I\'m perfectly willing to hide things from them if I think I can get away with it. My morals haven\'t changed, I just know that avoiding outright murder for now is for the best until things settle a bit," 

"Look Meng…" said Lian firmly, "I do mean \'may or may not\' have done when I\'m talking about the past. I just don\'t know. I can\'t be sure about Feng, or about Bing, but for me? It doesn\'t seem real. It seems like you\'re telling me a lie just because you want me to be mad at you. Even if intellectually I know that\'s stupid, and that you\'ve probably done a lot worse things then my actual parents…

"But well I kinda hate them? I\'m sure it\'s not a surprise, I\'ve made not secret of the fact that I don\'t like them, never have, but… the bad stuff they did? The ostracization? The beatings? The starvation? I had to LIVE that. Maybe that makes me a worse person then Bing, definitely makes me a worse person then Feng, if we\'re going by your standards. The way the sect treated me definitely didn\'t help but…

"But I just can\'t care about people I don\'t know, and heck, I can\'t really find it in myself to care about a lot of the ones I do. I need to SEE people doing good or bad things to form a proper opinion. Maybe, maybe if Bing told me they were bad I could trust that… but I mean, for a sect that\'s supposed to be about protecting the innocent, I sure was vilified for something I couldn\'t control."

"I know dear," said Meng softly as she gave Lian a light kiss on the forehead, "I\'m sorry that such things happen to you. If I wasn\'t acting in my capacity as the sect matriarch I would\'ve found those fools and skinned them alive,"

"I doubt you would\'ve actually skinned them," said Lian with a grin. 

"Perhaps, perhaps not. It would depend on the severity of their crimes against you and if I felt like making an example," said Meng matter-of-factly. 

Lian rolled her eyes, "I doubt you\'d have gone that far. Even if you were willing, I doubt you\'d let Bing and Feng find out about you doing something like that," 

Meng sighed and conceded the point, "True, but don\'t let that make you feel less important then my other two children. Technically speaking, none of you are mine by birth and official adoption papers will be pretty meaningless on the road. I can just say I\'m you\'re mother, and if people complain I\'ll silence them. 

"That being said… I do want you to know I understand what you\'re going through. I too was looked down upon for my affinity and bullied for it," 

"Wait… but… wouldn\'t illusions be super useful in assassin school?" asked Lian. 

Meng chuckled, "If we want to call it a school, technically I went to spy school and eventually took an elective in assassination. And yes, it was useful and the instructors were very interested in me because of that… which generated a lot of the initial dislike, then the rumours went around. They changed depending on who you asked, but you might find some amusement in them. They don\'t bother me anymore, so I\'ll share them with you, just so you know I do understand. 

"The first rumour to start going around was that I was using my illusions to cheat on the tests. That I wasn\'t actually doing what was asked of me, just making it look that way. Which was nonsense, because most of the time there were no rules, and even if I HAD just been making it look like I\'d passed, that would mean I passed. Then, people were saying that I used my illusions to sleep with the teachers, but nobody could agree on if I was making them illusions of that were sexual, or if I was showing the class an illusion of myself participating normally while I performed oral on the teacher under the desk,"

Lian raised an eyebrow, "Yes… but were you?" 

"No of course not," said Meng. "We were trained very strictly, and that sort of thing would\'ve gotten the instructor killed if someone found out. Not for the sex, but because they were mostly students recently graduated, and if they were getting side action it meant they couldn\'t follow orders. 

"We did have an instructor that covered the sexual arts, the men had another man, and the women had a woman. Not sure how it shook out for the boys, but the woman who taught the class for us was older than dirt, and probably spent most of her time running a brothel. Still, she did know her stuff," 

"Mum… that\'s kinda gross. I don\'t think I want to know anything about your sex life. In fact… maybe I should find a curse to remove that part of my memory," mumbled Lian. 

Meng smiled, "Perhaps that was a bit too far… but do keep in mind, you\'ve accepted me as your mother, that means telling important, but embarrassing stories is a necessity," 

"No," whispered Lian in mock horror. With some real horror mixed in of course.