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Chapter 122: Norn Greyrat

I wonder when I started to become afraid of my brother.

At the very least, it wasn't like that at the beginning.

When I first met him, brother was hitting my father.

I loved my father.

Although he was useless in many aspects, I knew that he loved me with all of his heart.

Even if it wasn't like that, as a five year old child, he was a father that I loved without a doubt.

My brother punched that kind of father.

Appearing all of a sudden, and then punching my father.

I didn't understand the conversation at that time.

Even though I now understand that my brother had a lot of hardships before he finally met with father,

I also knew father made a fool of him and got into a fight with him.

These things were unrelated to me at that time.

My brother hit my father.

When I saw him on top of father pummeling him,

I thought that my father would be killed.

Then, I came to a conclusion. The one and only truth for me at that time.

This person, I could not recognize him as family.

It wasn't from fear.

It was from hatred.

The feelings of hatred continued long after.

Because everybody was praising my brother.

Naturally from father, and then from my little sister and the maid that I met after as well.

The more they praised my brother, the bigger that stubborn part in me grew.

Like my brother, I hated my little sister.

At the school that we went to, she was my rival in everything.

Be it studying or physical exercises.

And then, excelling in everything, she looked down on me.

I had thought that we will never get along.

I was tormented by my inferiority complex.

The one who didn't approve of this was my grandmother.

At the same time that she was despising my non-blood-related little sister, she held excessive expectations for me.

No, perhaps it wasn't expectations.

It was just what my grandmother said.

"As a lady from the House of Latreia, you must possess talent that won't shame us."

And then I was forced to study etiquette and detailed ceremonies.

I wasn't able to do them well, and each time I failed, she got angry.

Each time, my grandmother would say:

"If you become enthralled by an adventurer, you will muddy our blood."

I knew immediately that she was talking about my father and mother.

My grandmother despised my father who worked with all of his might.

I then hated my grandmother.

That's why, when a person calling herself my brother's Shisho came and and revealed my mother's whereabouts, rather than stay with grandmother I decided to follow my father.

Yes. My father was at a loss.

He wondered if he should leave me with my grandparents.

My mother inherited the blood of Milis nobles, and my father descended directly from Asura nobles.

There were no problems with my lineage.

My grandparents seemed to have wanted to welcome me into their household.

But, I hated that.

That's why I begged father, I clung to him in tears and followed him.

And yet.

And yet, my father sent me away to my brother's place.

He said that it would be dangerous from here on.

He said that my brother had prepared a base up north, so I should wait for him there.

He said that once he finds my mother, he will definitely catch up later.

I cried.

I said I hated it. I cried that I wanted to be where my mother was.

I thought that I must not separate from my father no matter what.

If Ruijerd-san hadn't appeared there, I might have been together with my father.

And then, I would have gotten sick at the Begaritto Continent, and become an inconvenience for my father.

Ruijerd-san.

I remember him quite well.

The first time I met him, was on the same day I met my brother.

He gave a helping hand to me who looked like I was about to collapse.

He patted my head with gentle hands.

He gave me an apple.

At that time, I didn't know his name.

After learning that he was a guard for my brother, I didn't ask for his name.

Nothing about him changed since that time, he patted my head, and persuaded me gently.

And thus, it became that I headed towards my brother's place.

When we began our trip, my little sister was in excessively high spirits.

She threw off her the mask that she never took off in front of father and her mother, and took on the mask of a leader, then made unreasonable plans one after another.

She was doing foolish things was what I thought.

That there's no meaning being this enthusiastic when there were two grown-ups here.

That's what I had thought.

But, Ruijerd-san and Ginger-san, obeyed my little sister.

I thought it was unfair.

They went along with my little sister's demands, yet they don't go with what I say.

However, since Ruijerd-san was attentive towards me, I was able to bear it.

He was always watching over me.

But, even he was praising my brother.

Saying that he was an amazing person.

That he was looking forward to seeing him.

Even though he rarely smiled, he was saying that while smiling.

I was sure that my brother that I knew, and my brother that he knows were different.

That's what I had thought.

Ahh.

That being the case, it must've been during this time.

I started to become afraid of my brother.

My brother is strong.

Everybody says that he was a person to be respected.

However, the brother within my heart, was a brother who hit and beat down my father.

Perhaps.

And maybe perhaps.

Would my brother also hit me as well?

If I said something that he couldn't stomach, would I get hit?

I became afraid of meeting him.

To be living under him for who knows how long made me afraid.

I was anxious and couldn't sleep, and I woke up in the middle of the night many times.

Each time, Ruijerd-san would console me.

He would place me on his lap, then he would tell me stories from the past while looking at the night sky.

There were many sad stories, but for some reason I was able to relax and sleep peacefully.

—

Part 2

When we finally met again, my brother was drunk and had a woman beside him.

That person was a childhood friend of his from Buina Village, and he had married her.

I did not remember this person at all.

Though I remember vaguely that there was a person that stuck close to my little sister and her mother.

I had thought that she wasn't that type of person.

I thought that she would be something else. I felt that something was different.

My brother seemed happy.

When I saw that, my feelings of hatred began to well up within me.

My father did not lay his hands on any woman.

He said he was postponing that until he found my mother.

He never laid hands on my little sister's mother, nor did he lay hands on that woman who was always with him.

And yet.

And yet, my brother was a hypocrite.

I was filled with hatred.

But, I couldn't say anything.

Because I was afraid.

If, I said something, I thought I would get hit.

If my brother hit me, Ruijerd-san might have gotten angry.

When Ruijerd-san met my brother he seemed very happy.

Perhaps, he wouldn't get angry at all.

Perhaps instead he would get angry at me.

That he would tell me not to be selfish.

I couldn't say anything.

And then, that next day, Ruijerd-san left.

I thought that he would be with us forever.

I had thought that I didn't want him to disappear.

But, he left.

I became even more afraid.

In the house, my brother, my little sister, my brother's wife were there.

My little sister was in high spirits meeting my brother.

I thought that my brother's wife was a gentle person.

But, she was not my ally.

In this house, I had no allies.

Until my father came back, I had no choice but to live here in fear.

My little sister was affectionate towards my brother.

I was certainly not like that.

My little sister was pampered, and I was told to work harder.

My little sister said that I wasn't able to do things because I don't put effort into them.

But things that can't be done, can't be done.

No matter how well I do, no matter how hard I practised, I was no match for my little sister.

What was I supposed to do?

To make sure they wouldn't get angry with me, to make sure I wouldn't be compared to my sister, I lived like I was in hiding.

I was afraid of being thrown out of the house into the snow.

At my brother's words, I went to school.

Different than the school I went to in Milshion, it was a little special.

Even though we were in the same grade, rather than children close to my age, there were people of all ages studying.

Honestly, I didn't want to go.

In the end, I would be compared to my little sister again.

However, it seemed that my blessed sister had no intentions of going to school.

To me, that was a bright light of hope.

If my little sister isn't there, perhaps I could work diligently.

That's what I had thought.

My brother faced my little sister, and gave her a condition.

There was an exam.

In order to enter school, an exam was necessary.

I was to take it as well.

I was in despair.

Even if I took the exam, I would certainly not get a passing grade.

When I told him that, my brother said he would sort it out with money.

Hearing something that insensitive, I accidentally raised my voice.

My little sister got mad, and we fought.

"Stop it."

With my brother's cold voice resonating through the room, my fear of him grew.

I thought that I would get hit.

I was scared.

I was in tears.

That from now on I had no choice but to always live in fear of him.

On the day of the exam.

I heard about the dorms from my brother.

Students would leave their homes and live independently.

It seems there were facilities such as this in this school.

That's what I had thought.

My little sister would definitely pass the exam.

Then, she won't go to school.

If I were to live in the dorms, I would not have to face my brother.

I would not be compared to anybody, and would be able to live freely.

When I thought about that, I thought that would be the best outcome.

A few days later, the examination results came back.

My brother asked me what I wanted to do.

I timidly suggested, "I want to try living in the dorms."

I thought that he might get angry.

My father had said for me to live with my brother.

The letter that my brother received should have said the same thing.

That's why I thought he might get angry and tell me not to be selfish, and hit me.

But, that my brother had so easily given permission was beyond my imagination.

The one who got angry was my little sister.

My little sister shouted that was unfair, that it was favoritism.

She was always treated more favorably than I was until now,

And was unable to stomach that only she was asked to try taking the exam.

But, why did my brother give his permission?

I don't know.

I don't understand my brother.

Thinking about it, aside from the time I got into a fight with my little sister, he didn't get angry even once.

...Perhaps, my brother had no interest in my affairs.

Thinking that it would be a bother to take care of me in the house, he probably threw me out into the dorms.

Even if I hadn't suggested it, I probably would have ended up in the dorms regardless.

When I thought that, for some reason I felt sad.

Even though this outcome was convenient for me.

—

Part 3

Everything felt fresh living at the dormitory.

First, my roommate was fresh.

Melissa-sempai was from the Magic Race.

My grandmother said that the Magic Race were evil.

I was taught that the Magic Race were existences that should be rejected, and an evil that must be destroyed.

If I had not met Ruijerd-san, I would definitely have thought so up to now.

That's why, when I met Melissa-sempai, I understood that I should have a courteous attitude towards her.

To me who was able to greet her properly, Melissa-sempai welcomed me.

She warmly received me, who had entered in the middle of the term, and helped me with many things.

Things like how to eat our meals, how to use the restrooms, what the dorm rules were.

Everything was taught by Melissa-sempai.

The Senpai from the vigilante corps said that everybody living in the dorm was family and that we should all get along.

She was a person from a scary looking race, but had a strong sense of responsibility.

My heart leapt in joy at this lifestyle I will have from now on.

While it's a pain to have to show my face at my brother's house every ten days,

My brother wasn't going to ask in detail about my school life, so I felt relieved.

My life at the dorm began.

First, the classes were difficult.

I think it was because the way of teaching was different than the school in Milis.

While it may have been different if I learnt things from the beginning, since I came in the middle, there were many things that I didn't understand.

Although there were religious classes in Milis, Ranoa had none, and instead it had magic classes.

Since this class also wasn't from the beginning, I was not very good at it.

If my grades were bad, I would perhaps be forced to move back into the house.

Thinking that, I studied even harder to stay in the dorms.

For parts that I was at a loss with and couldn't understand, Melissa-senpai kindly taught me.

Then for the first time I began to understand the parts of the classes that I had missed.

Surely my little sister would have understood immediately.

I was fed up with my lack of power of comprehension.

The school grounds were big as well, and I got lost many times.

Especially for physical and magical classes that the Milis schools don't have, I was perplexed as to where the classrooms were.

Each time a person from class would come search for me, or a senpai or teacher I don't know will assist me.

I also saw my brother once.

At that time, being seen with my brother who was the greatest person at the school, I felt ashamed.

My brother was feared in the school.

It seemed he would take along six of his henchmen and do whatever he liked.

Among them were two people that acted pridefully in the dorms.

Even Melissa-senpai warned me that I was better off not to defy them.

It seems that my brother used those two to gather panties from cute girls.

Does my brother's wife know about this?

She may not know.

Although I don't know what he planned on doing with those panties he gathered, even though my father was suffering at this time, my brother was playing around like this.

I was filled with hatred.

I disdained him.

However, even though he does these things, despite my expectations, my brother's reputation was good.

He isn't violent towards regular students, and even though he did what he liked, it seems he did not make anybody unhappy.

On the contrary, it seems he told the school's delinquents not to bully the weak.

The scary child in my class was talking proudly about my brother.

He was better at magic than anybody, and his teaching methods were great.

And it seems that he taught someone much smaller than me as well.

My classmates, Melissa-senpai, even my teacher.

They all said to become like my brother.

That I should aim to become like him.

I didn't understand what they were thinking.

To become like my brother that I feared, hated, and scorned.

I didn't want to be like him.

But, more than that, I was frustrated.

My brother, like my little sister, was above me in everything.

He was an existence that I could not hope to reach no matter how much effort I put in.

Even though I hated him.

Even though I disdained him.

But,I was an existence that was lower than even him.

—

Part 4

That day.

I went back to the dorms, and fell on the bed.

Various emotions were jumbled up inside me.

Bitterness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger.

My feelings became tears that overflowed.

After a while, Melissa-senpai came back.

She kindly asked me, who was crying, what was wrong.

I rejected her, saying nothing was wrong, and covered myself with my blanket.

What is it that I should do?

Is my attitude towards my brother a mistake?

...I see.

Maybe my brother was not a person that I had first imagined him to be.

That day, the day when my brother hit my father.

I was very young.

After that, no matter how many times my father said, "Your brother also had it tough," I was unable to understand.

But right now, especially right now, I was able to understand a little of how he felt.

Because, right now, it's painful.

Being here, doing my best, doing things to my utmost effort.

Being full of energy, and then being told, [You were just playing around without a care, right?]

Even I would have become angry.

Even if it was my father, we would have gotten into a fight.

But, that being the case.

What kind of face should I show to my brother?

What did my brother want me to do?

How did my brother and my father make up?

Think.

Think.

My stomach was in pain.

As if the area below my chest was squeezing tightly.

I became nauseous.

I passed the time curled in bed.

I couldn't do anything.

Just merely facing my brother, I couldn't do it.

In times like these, it was always my father that came to the rescue.

Whenever I curled in bed from hateful things, my father would come and gently comfort me.

When I separated from my father, it was Ruijerd.

He would place me on his lap, and while patting my head, he would talk about various things.

Here, I have nobody.

Melissa-senpai had helped me a lot.

However, she's not an ally.

[Let's go see your brother], or [You should show up in class.]

She was saying those things.

I understand them.

But my body refuses to move.

—

Part 5

I wonder how long it has been since I became troubled.

Thinking, getting tired, then sleeping.

While repeating these actions, it felt like many days have passed.

I sat at the end of the bed.

When I realized, I saw my brother in front of me.

He sat on a chair, his elbows on the backrest.

Then he looked fixedly at me.

"Norn."

"Brother."

For the first time, it felt like I called my brother "Brother".

Many things came into my head.

This didn't seem like an illusion.

This is the girl's dormitory.

Why is he here?

I was confused.

My brother was fixing his gaze at me who was confused.

We looked at each other for a while.

Like this, it may have been the first time I truly looked at my brother's face.

It was a face of anxiety.

It looked a lot like my father.

A face that gave me a peace of mind.

Of course, since they're father and son.

"Norn. I'm sorry. It's been painful ever since you came here, right?"

My brother opened his mouth quietly.

"I, didn't know what you were going through. Even though things became like this, I don't know what to do."

My brother was saying these things with an uneasy face.

A figure that looked exactly like my father.

"..."

And since then, my brother did not move at all.

He looked at me uneasily.

But, he never moved from his seat.

If it was my father, he would hug me without restraint,

And if it was Ruijerd-san, I would likely be patted on the head.

However, my brother does not approach me.

"Ah..."

For some reason.

I understood.

He couldn't approach me.

He was scared of being rejected by me.

When I thought that, the feelings inside me mysteriously cleared up.

The feelings of hatred and fear towards my brother never gushed forth.

I no longer felt afraid.

My brother was just like my father.

My brother, would definitely not hit me.

And surely, he would never again hit my father.

"...Uuu..."

I have to forgive my brother.

"U...hic..."

Before I realized, tears were welling up and dropping

My throat trembled, and I began to cry.

"I'm sorry, brother...I'm sorry."

My brother timidly came up and sat next to me.

Then, gently, he placed his hand on top of my head, then hugged me close.

My brother's hand was warm, and his chest was big and tough.

And, he smelled just like my father.

On that day, I cried in my brother's arms all through the night.

— Rudeus's POV —

In the end, I couldn't do anything.

She wouldn't say anything to me.

What she was unsatisfied about, or what she was troubled by.

I did not understand her true feelings.

Norn just kept crying.

When she finished crying, she just silently said "I'm fine now".

Her face seemed refreshed contrary to what I imagined.

She looked into my eyes.

Deeply and directly.

When I saw that, I felt relieved somehow.

I thought that everything will be fine.

That's why I left Sylphy to take care of the rest, and left the room.

—

Part 6

The next day, Norn became cheerful again.

It wasn't a noticeable change.

When she sees me in the hallway, she'll at least say, [Brother, good morning.]

She doesn't converse much, nor does she carelessly cling onto me.

Compared to me, who hasn't changed one bit in this situation, it seems that Norn no longer minded that at all.

I couldn't understand her.

I couldn't say anything, and couldn't do anything.

It was disappointing.

I had thought that I could understand the feelings of a shut-in or a person that couldn't do anything.

But when facing the real thing, I became like this.

Probably,

And just probably,

Norn had probably sorted out her own feelings.

And from sorting her own feelings, she overcame this situation.

She's an amazing girl.

Paul and Aisha might have thought that Norn wasn't particularly good at doing anything.

However, I didn't think that.

At the very least, in my past life, she did something I wasn't able to do.

If, in my past life, I was able to sort out my feelings like Norn,

Would things have changed?

Would I have been able to avoid that future where my gentle elder brother hit me?

I don't know.

I don't know about events in the past.

It's different than the situation between me and Norn.

Even if I did sort out my feelings, I don't know if I could have headed outside.

Reincarnating to a different world, if I hadn't met Roxy, I would surely have remained a shut-in.

In the first place, I can't go back after all this time.

The past won't change.

My soured relationship with that family won't go back to normal.

My elder brother's intentions will remain lost in the dark.

...However, it felt that something that prevented me from speaking clearly has been taken away.

If, Nanahoshi ever manages to go back to our original world,

At that time, I wish to send my older brother a message.

Thank you for worrying about me at the time, and I am very sorry.