BXBX NOVEL Chapter 83
Chapter 83
Chapter 83
To some, the southern part of the empire might be a warm region, a land of great forests, a place with the most interactions with elves, and famous for its hot springs, known as the best resort area since ancient times.
But for others, it might be a place that causes cold sweats and silent screams just at the thought of it, a place of nightmares.
What about me now? Have I escaped being the latter? Can I say that I no longer struggle in those nightmares?
‘I don’t know, and if I could say for sure, I’d be lying.’
I try not to show it. I try to forget. I’ve regained the ordinary life I longed for, and now I’m trying to fully immerse myself in it.
Thinking about it feels like reopening a healing wound, as if I’m returning to that hell.
But sometimes, those moments come back to me, and I tremble involuntarily.
Wounded comrades, dead comrades. The battlefield that was like hell. All those things sweep through my bones like a winter’s chill.
Even if I try to forget, even if I think of it as the past, it’s hard to escape, knowing well that recalling it does me no good.
“Don’t just run away from it.”
Was it because they knew my thoughts? Because they had experienced it too?
At the recent New Year’s Eve ceremony, veteran awardees patted my shoulder and started to speak.
“If it hurts, you don’t always have to avoid it. Sometimes, facing that pain calmly is a good way. It helps you see the present more clearly.”
“I heard you served on the southern front. You may never want to go back, but face it. And try to sort out the emotions you left there.”
If it weren’t for those words, even now on this hot spring trip, I wouldn’t have looked towards the great forest. I would have kept talking to distract myself from those memories.
But now that I knew I had to face it, I outlined what I needed to do next.
< Memorial Service for the Martyred Soldiers >
“….”
It wasn’t something I planned. It was a coincidence. Yes, purely by chance, I heard the news just as I arrived at the hot springs.
The memorial service isn’t in the area where I fought. My battlefield is quite far from here.
But in the end, it’s for all martyrs. Surely my comrades are included in the prayers for the dead. So, it doesn’t matter where it is held.
At first, I was worried. Would my presence be inappropriate? I survived, but they died.
I couldn’t help but feel that I might be causing unnecessary pain to the families of the martyred.
When I conveyed such concerns to the organizers of the memorial service, they replied.
“We would be honored if you attend, Sergeant Karl Adelheit.”
“Perhaps they would also want you to come. Thanks to you, people know that they fought with all their might for this Empire.”
It was truly ironic. For me and the other veterans, those moments we wanted to forget, that hellish time.
But to honor and remember those who died then, we must recall it. Only then will the world remember their names and their noble sacrifices.
‘…Okay.’
Maybe what the seniors said about not running away, about facing that pain calmly, means not just living with the guilt of surviving but thinking about what we can do for the dead because we survived.
If that’s the case, I can face it as many times as needed. No matter how painful or terrible, for those who shared every moment with me, I’ll willingly do it.
“The reason we ultimately return to the battlefield is not out of loyalty to the Empire, nor the desire to become heroes, but simply to be with those who ate and bled together yesterday.”
* * *
– Sergeant Karl Adelheit wishes to attend –
This message reached those preparing for the memorial service.
Simply put, he is the eldest son of Count Friedrich. He was a common soldier on the battlefield until a few years ago. Moreover, the current Count has also distinguished himself greatly as a ‘soldier.’
The mere fact that such a figure would attend the memorial service is a great comfort to the bereaved families.
Now, what if this figure is also a recipient of the Medal of Honor? And not just any recipient, but one awarded by both the Princess and the Crown Prince?
‘It’s a good thing for those who have passed and an honor for the bereaved families as well.’
‘Nobles from nearby regions and even from relatively distant areas will all attend.’
More people, and more distinguished people, will honor their spirits and appreciate their sacrifices. For the bereaved families, nothing could be more welcome. Seeing that their loved ones’ deaths were not in vain gives them strength not to collapse in their grief.
The memorial service can continue to be held, remembering and never forgetting their names and deeds for a long time.
– Marquisate of Adria, represented by Young Lord Shulifen Rosberg, wishes to attend –
– Marquisate of of Gramstad, represented by Young Lord Wilhelm Fritz, wishes to attend –
– County of Brunne, represented by Young Lord Alexander Edert, wishes to attend –
– County of Thieradal, represented by Young Lord Joachim Placen, wishes to attend –
– Marquisate of Nafplion, represented by Young Lady Selena Ifrit, wishes to attend –
“….”
It’s a bit worrying that such an unbelievable group of people is gathering.
Never did I imagine that three marquis families and two count families would find a way to sneak into this situation.
* * *
Eloise Loengrand, former commander of the extermination unit of the Hyzens faction.
She was currently sitting on the rooftop of a building slightly away from where the memorial service was being held.
Over there is Karl. There are also four rather astonishing nobles. And, there is Selena.
I wish I could be there too. Being a member of the Hyzens faction and a comrade of the Empire, I thought I could at least light a stick of incense in front of their memorial.
But I soon changed my mind. It seemed better to refrain this time.
‘Even though I was with Hyzens and their enemy was Luzernes, in the end, we were all elves. If I go there, it will just make the atmosphere awkward.’
Eloise had been called strange by the other elves, but it wasn’t really abnormal.
She knew well the importance of keeping boundaries and the power of perception.
So, Eloise opted to watch from afar.
Karl did not stop her. Instead, he thanked her for her consideration towards him and the bereaved families with a small smile. For Eloise, that was enough.
In the meantime, the bereaved families began to step forward and share their thoughts.
“We are truly grateful to everyone for not forgetting. And we want to express our special thanks to Sergeant Karl Adelheit, who has made this memorial service even more illustrious.”
“Our husbands, fathers, and sons… they will be grateful that a soldier of the Empire, who fought alongside them and received the Medal of Honor, is here with us today.”
For Karl, it must have been a difficult decision. It meant he had to confront his past.
But he came. He came and used his honor to illuminate their names. The more he shines, the more those buried there will be remembered forever as heroes of the Empire.
“…Suddenly, I hate this.”
Eloise muttered to herself, fiddling with her ears.
She suddenly felt worried.
Although Karl thought of me as a comrade rather than an elf, I wonder if there was a moment when he subconsciously equated ‘elf’ with ‘enemy’.
Maybe that’s why he keeps his distance from me. Even if our relationship progresses, wouldn’t it be miserable if memories of the past surfaced when looking at a child born between us?
‘Damn Luzernes bastards. I should just cut off all their ears.’
Despite having wiped out the remnants of the Luzernes once on the battlefield and again in a joint operation with Rikata, something still boiled within me.
She wondered if she should have stayed in the extermination unit. If she had, she could have gone back and vented her frustration by dismantling the Luzernes prisoners piece by piece.
“…Ah. Hello, everyone. First, I would like to express my gratitude to those who gladly accepted me at such short notice and to the bereaved families who stand strong in their sorrow.”
In the meantime, Karl stepped forward.
“As I have said before, I am not a hero. I am just one of those who fought alongside heroes. And those heroes, now honored spirits, will forever protect this Empire, standing by our side yesterday, today, and tomorrow.”
Ah. Aah. Seeing that expression suddenly makes my heart ache.
Don’t make that face, Karl. If you keep doing that, I just want to run to you and tell you not to cry.
Eloise tried to muster her patience, repeatedly tapping her head with her knuckles.
I came here hoping to have a pleasant trip. I’m in the wrong place. I’m just like rubbing salt in the wound.
Sitting on the rooftop, Eloise had to struggle with her thoughts for a while.