BXBX NOVEL Chapter 116: Three Years of Loss
Chapter 116: Three Years of Loss
Thanks to our steady progress, stopping only for brief rests at inns along the way, we arrived five days ahead of schedule.
-Thud…
My measured steps echoed on the ground as I stood before the grand gates of the ducal manor.
As expected of one of the Empire’s most prestigious families, the Phyler estate was no less imposing than the Lishite manor.
I observed it with a detached gaze.
‘…It’s been a while.’
Having visited numerous times in my youth, I felt no particular surprise or awe.
Just a faint flicker of nostalgia.
Before I had fallen into the depths of debauchery, I had been a frequent visitor to this place.
Drawn by Margaret’s constant stream of letters, eager to see me.
Those were simpler times.
Of course, after the broken engagement, I had never once set foot in this place.
My memories of this place remained frozen in time, three years in the past.
‘There used to be a cherry blossom tree over there…’
They must have removed it, finding it didn’t suit the garden’s ambiance.
It wasn’t the only change.
The flower garden, once overflowing with forget-me-nots, was now blanketed in winter aconite, swaying gently in the breeze.
Several new sculptures adorned the grounds.
Just three years.
It seemed like an eternity, enough time for a sense of distance to settle between me and this place.
‘It feels… unfamiliar.’
A bitter taste filled my mouth.
The awkwardness that washed over me was a stark reminder of the three years I had lost.
I clutched at my chest, a dull ache throbbing beneath my ribs.
“…I really came back.”
It was ironic.
Only now, standing on the grounds of the Phyler Duchy, did the reality of my return truly sink in.
As I stood there, lost in thought, a voice broke the silence.
“Duke Lishite.”
Turning my head, I saw the source of the deep voice.
My gaze was drawn to his striking silver hair, followed by piercing red eyes.
A middle-aged man with the same eye color as Margaret.
Though his physique was somewhat slight, he possessed an undeniable aura of authority.
I immediately recognized him and bowed respectfully.
“It is an honor to meet the Empire’s Shield.”
The three families that protected the Empire.
The Sword, the Shield, and the Wings.
This was Raymond Phyler, current head of the Phyler family, the Shield of the Empire.
The Duke himself had come to greet me.
“You must be weary from your journey. Was it bearable?”
“It was fine.”
“I am grateful for your prompt response to my summons. I don’t know how to express my gratitude.”
Raymond patted my shoulder as he spoke.
His voice was devoid of emotion, yet I detected a hint of relief beneath the surface.
He wasn’t one to express his feelings so openly.
Had he softened in the past three years?
Or was his daughter’s condition weighing heavily on his mind?
“Come, let’s go inside. You must be exhausted from your travels. You should rest.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
I followed Raymond’s beckoning hand, brushing aside the bittersweet nostalgia that clung to me like a shroud.
***
Meanwhile, in a room shrouded in darkness…
The curtains were drawn tightly, shutting out even the faintest ray of sunlight. The only presence in the room was the biting chill of winter.
In this lifeless space, a young woman lay on the bed.
“…”
Silence, heavy as death, clung to her.
Her silver hair cascaded over the pillow, following the rhythm of her shallow breaths.
Her red eyes were unfocused, vacant.
She was a shadow of her former self, her vitality fading like cherry blossoms in April.
Her gaze drifted aimlessly as if searching for something that no longer existed.
“My lady.”
A voice called out to her.
It was her personal maid, entering the room with cautious steps.
Approaching the bed, the maid spoke softly.
“Young Master Lishite has arrived at the manor.”
The young woman’s shoulders trembled as she flinched at the words.
Her body, which had been so still moments ago, was now wracked with tremors.
“He… He’s really here?”
Her voice was a mere whisper, thick with unshed tears.
“Is it… Is it true…?”
“It’s true, my lady. So please, you must regain your strength. You need to see the Young Master. He came all this way to see you.”
The maid’s voice cracked with emotion as she dabbed at her teary eyes.
Taking the young woman’s hand in hers, she was met with an icy touch.
The warmth had long since drained from her, leaving behind only the chill of winter.
“Young Master Lishite will be joining us for dinner in a few hours. You must be present, my lady. He came all this way to see you.”
“To see me…?”
As if possessed, the girl raised her upper body.
She reached out to throw off the covers that had been her only solace.
—You are the worst of them all.
The dormant hallucination resurfaced.
The words, piercing her heart like a sharp thorn before she could react, stole her breath.
It felt as if she was choking on blood. She gasped for air.
She tried to clear her head, but the image only became clearer.
—I can’t… anymore…
—I want to end it all.
Empty, black eyes stared back at her.
It was resignation.
The result of her own obsessive compulsion.
Before her wavering crimson eyes sat a black-haired boy, devoid of any will to live.
“...How could I possibly…?”
Margaret buried her face in her pillow.
“How could I possibly face him?”
“My lady…”
“Tell Father I won’t be attending dinner.”
She cut the maid off and dismissed her from the room.
Silence descended once more.
In that room painted with the color of regret, Margaret pulled the covers over her head.
The cold seeped in, clutching at her throat.
Drowning in the frigid winter, Margaret closed her eyes.
***
After changing into more comfortable clothes in the guest room, I headed straight to see Raymond.
It was almost dinner time, and we’d agreed to have dinner together.
“Ah, there you are.”
“Welcome, Young Master Lishite.”
The Duke and Duchess greeted me as I entered the dining room.
I gave a light bow.
As I took my seat, I quickly scanned the table. Aside from the Duke and Duchess, there was no one else.
‘Margaret… isn’t coming?’
I wanted to speak with her as soon as possible.
Disappointment washed over me.
As I swallowed my regret, a voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Let’s begin the meal. It’s nothing fancy, but please, eat your fill.”
“Yes, Your Excellency.”
Of course, “nothing fancy” was a lie.
The vast table was laden with food.
It was an excessive amount for just the three of us.
Moreover, every dish seemed to be tailored to my taste.
It was as if the chef remembered my preferences; even the seasoning was perfect.
‘…Why do I keep thinking about the past?’
I couldn’t afford to falter already.
I chuckled wryly to myself, trying to bolster my own weak resolve.
“By the way, Young Master Lishite.”
“Yes, Your Excellency.”
“I heard you achieved remarkable results at the Academy this semester. It seems you’ve finally come to your senses…”
The dinner continued.
It was… ordinary.
We didn’t delve into anything too serious.
As if they were wary of me, the Duke and Duchess avoided bringing up any sensitive topics.
I didn’t pry either.
I simply gathered information about the current situation from their occasional remarks.
‘So, to summarize…’
Thankfully, Margaret was getting better.
At first, she couldn’t even stomach the sight of food, suffered from insomnia, and acted like a wreck.
But it seemed she was improving.
She was eating little by little and managing to sleep.
When I received the letter, I was worried that she might be damaged beyond repair.
I was relieved to hear of her progress.
Even if our conversation didn’t go well.
Even if it led to us severing our ties completely.
I didn’t want Margaret to fall apart like that.
‘…It’s getting late. It’s probably best to go see her first thing tomorrow morning.’
Margaret hadn’t appeared at dinner, citing her illness.
But I wasn’t a fool.
I could tell she was avoiding me out of guilt.
She probably felt responsible.
When I tried to hang myself…
Margaret was one of the children who witnessed that horrific scene up close.
A bitter laugh escaped my lips.
In the end, I couldn’t shake off my thoughts throughout the entire dinner.
.
.
.
The brilliant sun dipped below the horizon.
As time passed, even its crimson afterglow faded, leaving only the chill of a winter night.
I stood on the spacious terrace on the second floor of the Dukedom, gazing up at the sky.
A serene coldness brushed against my cheeks.
I stood there for a while, breathing in the scent of the season.
“…It feels like the fatigue is melting away.”
This had become a recent habit of mine.
Stepping out into the night air.
Rachel hated it, worrying I’d catch a cold in this weather.
But I loved this time.
As I counted the stars in the predawn darkness, I imagined that somewhere among them was a star for my mother.
I searched for her in the dark night sky.
And that was why I cherished this time.
“…”
As I reminisced and savored the quiet anticipation…
“For a young man to enjoy such a melancholy sight… How pathetic.”
A deep voice reached my ears.
I turned to see Raymond walking towards me.
He stopped beside me.
“I didn’t know Your Excellency enjoyed this terrace as well.”
“I was merely checking in, as you weren’t in your room. You… you haven’t changed a bit in three years.”
“How could my affections change in a mere three years?”
This terrace held many fond memories.
From childhood, it was the place where Margaret and I created countless memories together.
It was like our own secret hideaway.
Even if those memories were now bittersweet…
This place held a special place in my heart.
“Much of the mansion has changed… but this terrace remains the same.”
“Of course. That’s how she wanted it.”
By “she,” he undoubtedly meant Margaret.
Why did she want this place to remain unchanged?
I didn’t ask.
I just turned my gaze back to the familiar scenery.
“I heard there was a great conflict recently… Steiner sent me a letter.”
“You heard.”
“He said you almost took your own life.”
“…Yes.”
“Was it truly because of her?”
“I cannot say it wasn’t.”
To be precise, it was a combination of factors that had collided at the worst possible time.
And Margaret was undeniably one of them.
“I see…”
Raymond muttered, his expression unreadable.
He seemed lost in thought for a moment before shaking his head.
“That’s between you and her to resolve… I won’t pry.”
“Thank you for your understanding.”
“You know… I was already aware, but it’s still strange to see you back to your old, brilliant self.”
“I understand.”
Even the servants in my own household still treated me with caution.
It was only natural for an outsider like him to feel the same.
I shrugged, indicating I wasn’t bothered, and leaned against the terrace railing.
A brief silence followed as the chill of dawn settled around us.
Once again, it was Raymond who broke the silence.
“Young Master Lishite.”
“Yes, Your Excellency.”
“Do you resent me?”
“How could I possibly?”
“Things… could have been different between you and Margaret.”
The Duke stared at me, his face an impassive mask.
“If it weren’t for me, perhaps neither of you would have been hurt.”
“Your Excellency…”
I clenched my fists.
My mouth felt dry.
Raymond was blaming himself for what happened back then, but no matter what anyone said, it was my sin to bear.
“We… we hurt that child terribly.”
It was an old wound.
To be precise, it was about the “deal” Raymond and I had made three years ago.
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