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Chapter 426 97.4 - Breaking Down

"Do you think I wanted that!" My voice broke through Irina\'s words, filled with anger and anguish. For the first time, I found myself feeling such emotions. "Do you think that was what I wanted? Do you think I wanted to live like this, huh?!"

Irina took a step back, her eyes wide.

"I never wanted this!" Words spilled from my mouth without control. Maybe they were directed to Irina facing me.

Maybe they were directed to her silhouette.

Or maybe they were directed to somewhere else.

"I never wanted to live in a world where I had to constantly train, constantly fight, constantly detach myself from everything and everyone. Do you think I enjoy this? Do you think this is what I chose?"

My grip on the blade tightened, my knuckles turning white. "I was supposed to be the one who died. It should have been me!"

I never wanted to live in the first place. The life was already hard when we were young. Seeing the face that Mother and Father made when they saw me in contrast to you, seeing how we were trapped in a village and could never get out.

Seeing the disparity of treatments that we received. Such a life. I never wanted to continue doing that.

But you.

Weren\'t you different? Didn\'t you want to live to help other people?

I was not like that. I didn\'t want to live such a life. But for you, I was ready to do everything.

But where are you now?

Somewhere I can\'t reach?

Then, what is the point of living?

You were the one who was supposed to live.

So don\'t give me such a look.

"Estelle was the one who deserved to live, not me! She was strong, kind, and everything I wasn\'t. She was the one who should have had a future, not me!"

My eyes were cold as I continued, my voice cracking with emotion.

"But instead, everything was taken from her. Her life, her dreams, her future. And I was left here with nothing but guilt and pain."

The words that were directed to her.

The resentment that I had built up after all this time.

There was a saying that I once remembered.

\'Death is tough for people that are left behind on Earth.\'

At that time, I couldn\'t understand it, as my world was always filled with standing on top. But, seeing her leaving with a smile, I understood.

The pain.

It was just too much.

That was why I couldn\'t accept it.

\'Why? Why did you smile as if you were doing something good? Why did you think I would be happy living such a life when you were not around?\'

It was selfish.

It was selfish, unlike her.

For a person who had lived her whole life helping other people, her last moments were uncharacteristically selfish for her own good.

Never thinking about what the person left behind would do. How could they navigate their end?

She just selfishly left this world with a smile.

Without considering how that same smile would haunt me in my every dream.

So please tell me.

How can I not resent this sister of mine who became selfish when it came to me?

How can I not resent her when she is not letting me even now?

How can I not resent her when she is forcing me to face myself and my own actions?

And that is why, with my heart filled with resentment, I wanted to convey what the person who got left behind thought to the one who left.

Even if she was not real, I at least wanted her to know how I felt so that she would feel some guilt for her own actions.

So that she wouldn\'t do such a thing next time or maybe in some parallel world.

"I don\'t deserve anything good in this life. I\'m not someone who should have happiness or peace. I\'m supposed to pay for my weakness and my inability to protect her."

My breaths got rough for a split second, making it a lot harder for me to continue. It was as if the world was telling me to take a break.

Her eyes looking at me were somehow filled with sadness.

Were they Irina\'s eyes, or were they Estelle\'s? I wondered. But it didn\'t matter.

I would convey everything to her so that she would understand.

That stone-headed sister of mine was somehow hard to catch up, you see.

"Do you know what it\'s like to feel that kind of guilt every day? To wake up every morning knowing that you\'re the reason someone else is dead? To know that no matter what you do, you can never make up for it?"

As the words spilled from my mouth, I felt a sense of turmoil within me. It was as if the floodgates had opened, and all the emotions I had kept bottled up for so long were finally pouring out. But at the same time, there was a strange sense of relaxation, a release that I had never felt before.

For the first time, it felt like I was truly confronting my pain and anger, acknowledging the depth of my suffering.

But then, Irina\'s voice broke through the haze of my emotions, grounding me in the present moment.

"I know."

Somehow, it felt like her tone was filled with anger.

And turning my head to the side, I could see her eyes ablaze. The fire around her body was getting stronger with each second.

"A certain someone told me that I was not the only person who lost someone in this world. As a reminder of my own actions."

She was getting angrier with every second. I could see that. I knew her enough to understand that.

"But it seems that bastard has forgotten to say the same thing to himself."

Fire once again burned around her body, stemming from her heart.

"So let me tell him for his own sake."

She brought her face closer to mine.

\'She somehow looks small.\' Maybe I had released everything I had in my chest, and I was strangely calmer than I thought I was.

"You stupid bastard. You are not the only one who lost someone in this world. You are not the only one who is in pain."

My eyes widened slightly. This girl. She somehow looked like she knew everything.

And then, at that moment, I remembered.

How the game told her story. How the game showed flashbacks of him. The sole person that Irina could never forget.

There was such a thing.

"….."

But I remained silent, absorbing her words. It seemed like she had more things to say to me.

"But you are certainly one thing," Irina continued, her voice unwavering. "You are a coward. A coward who is afraid of making any connections just because he is afraid to lose someone once again."

The accusation hung in the air, and I didn\'t refute.

Because I already knew that was true. For the whole time, I was afraid of making connections. The way I had pushed Ethan back and got irritated when he pushed to know me more.

Even though there were countless different people who wanted to understand me, I pushed them all back.

The reason was.

I was afraid.

Because I knew I would never be able to get over it if I had lost someone once again.

It was a bit shameful that this girl somehow came to learn about this. But I didn\'t look away.

"And what an irony it is," Irina said with a bitter laugh, "that I fell for such a cowardly bastard."

Following that, she somehow brought her face closer to mine.

THUMP! Even if our bodies were far away, I could hear her heart beating fast under this moonlight, where no soul was around us; her heart and mine were the only sources of sound.

Her body moved.

PAT! She reached up and cupped my face with her hands, her eyes locked onto mine. In her eyes, I could see her hesitation. I could see how she was nervous as if she was not sure what she was even doing. n/ô/vel/b//jn dot c//om

I had plenty of time to react.

If I wanted, I could easily reach for her hand to remove them from my cheeks.

I could stop her advances with a single motion. I knew my reaction times down to the millisecond, my speed of body perfectly honed from countless hours of training and combat.

But I didn\'t move.

Instead, I found myself remembering something Garrett had once told me when we were alone.

"Look, kid, know you\'re capable. You\'ve already come a long way." "But you can\'t fight the entire world on your own."

His words echoed in my mind, mingling with the steady rhythm of Irina\'s heartbeat.

Maybe Garrett was right.

Maybe I didn\'t have to carry this burden by myself.

Maybe there were people who could help me, who wanted to help me.

Irina\'s hands on my cheeks were warm, grounding me in the present moment. I looked into her eyes and saw her determination, her resolve. She wasn\'t just acting on impulse; she had made a conscious decision to reach out to me, to break through the walls I had built around myself.

And so, I let her have her way, respecting her resolve.

Her face drew even closer, and I could feel her breath on my lips. There was a vulnerability in her eyes that mirrored my own.

Her lips met mine, and for a moment, everything else faded away.

The world narrowed down to just the two of us, standing under the moonlight, connected by something deeper than words.

Her kiss was soft and tentative, filled with a mixture of fear and hope.

And I couldn\'t help but feel my hands reaching out their way to her waist, pulling her closer.

The intensity of the moment was overwhelming, a mix of raw emotion and unspoken understanding passing between us.

For the first time, I thought.

\'Maybe sometimes letting it go is not bad.\'