BXBX NOVEL Chapter 86: If You Want
"So," he said gently, "How mad are you?"
"What?"
"I mean, how angry are you still?" Evian clarified.
Ember shrugged,
"Not as angry as I was before, I guess," she said, "I think I got it all out."
Evian raised a brow in surprise as his lips turned up slightly in a smile,
"Really?" he asked.
Ember snorted,
"What, You want me to continue?"
"No, no. You got your point across nicely," he said with a nod.
"Good," Ember said, "I already feel embarrassed about breaking down like that. It's just, your absence, so quickly after we- did it, had a stronger impact on me than I wanted."
As she spoke, Ember held Evian's gaze while blushing and then she looked away and cleared her throat in an obvious attempt to regain a more 'natural' expression.
"I didn't mean any disrespect," Evian told her.
Ember nodded, still looking away,
"I know you didn't," she said, "At least I think I do. I mean, everything happened so fast."
"Hmm," was all Evian said.
Thinking Evian was in agreement, Ember continued,
"My Mother used to say when the time came to do 'that', I should make sure it's with someone who respects me- someone I can trust- Someone I really, really know."
"I see," Evian said. Something about her tone helped him decipher what she was getting at, "And you don't think you know me."
"Do I?" Ember asked finally turning and looking into Evian's face again.
Evian let out a sigh,
"Maybe not."
Honestly, with how little he knew about her, Ember should rightfully be dangling very close to the Apprentice line only a step away from being a total stranger. It was like that with the rest of the Crew. He had always known this, he had just never cared.
Till date, he had not taken a genuine interest in Daria's life besides the bit she revealed to him or he inferred on his own.
'Do I- Do I find it hard to form genuine connections?' he wondered before getting pulled out of his thoughts by Ember's voice.
"You've been different without your memories and that's why what we did felt so right. I can still remember it- Your hands on me, your lips, Your-" Ember caught herself before she could go further, and with a light throat clearing, she trailed off.
Evian smiled. He had liked her verbal descriptions and the look in her eyes. He was willing to bet her inner thighs were at the brink of moistening, but he pushed that thought aside.
"We can get to know each other better if you want. There's not much to know about me, anyway. My memories are literally a few weeks old." Evian said with a chuckle.
"And that's the first thing I want to know," Ember said as she moved her body closer to Evian, "How does it feel to not remember?"
"Can you be a bit more specific?" Evian asked.
"I mean, do you feel a gap?" Ember clarified.
"Not- really," Evian told her
It was the truth. To him, there was no break in memory. He remembered his life on Earth and it simply 'continued' in this world regardless of the body he now possessed.
"So you don't feel incomplete?" Ember pressed.
Evian shook his head,
"I don't."
"Do you ever wish to remember?" Ember asked.
Evian paused and then answered with a tentative nod,
"Sometimes. There are some times I wonder how he- I used to think. It's mostly curiosity, though... It's not longing."
Evian sounded casual about it but somehow Ember read into his words and felt a sensitivity in them. It tickled her heart in a nice but melancholic way.
"Would you like me to tell you everything I remember about you? Everything you ever said to me- To the Crew?" she asked.
"You can remember?"
Ember gave him a small smile,
"I can remember enough."
Evian sighed and shook his head struck by a disinterest,
"Nah, no need. It's fine."
"Oh, okay," Ember said but Evian was not done,
"Instead of reciting past conversations, tell me, How was he- I to you?"
With a smile, Ember got right to it,
"Quiet. You were very quiet. You only ever wished to discuss matters of the Resistance. Nothing about your life, nothing about your family besides potentially getting them involved.
The few times you smiled and showed you were capable of being cheeky was when your plans succeeded. Like when we stole the Larnak Family Spear and recorded the message on that crystal."
"I see," Evian said with a chuckle, "So I was dull."
Ember shook her head a little while a smile lit up her pretty face,
"I wouldn't say dull... I'd say focused. Your current demeanor is a big difference from how you used to be. It's what most shows how much you've changed.
That and you touching me."
"I never touched you before that?" Evian asked.
"Not so much as a handshake."
"Wow," Evian said sounding incredulous, "Was I blind?"
Ember rolled her eyes and then wagged her finger at him,
"That too. You never gave so many flattering comments.
I think the Old you just valued and respected personal space."
Evian laughed,
"And which do you prefer?" he asked.
Ember ducked her head and only raised it slightly so her eyes met Evian's,
"The New," she answered honestly.
"The 'New' prefers you too," Evian said with a mesmerizing stare that made Ember's whole body so weak, she slid down on the bed and snuggled under her covers.
Evian watched her with a smile as he leaned back in the chair and let out a sigh,
"When the war ends, there will no longer be a need for a Resistance."
Ember nodded,
"True."
"What happens then?" Evian asked.
Ember shrugged as best as she could,
"I guess everyone moves on."
"What will you do?"
"I have some plans," Ember admitted, "But primary of all is strength. I want to get stronger."
"I see," Evian said.
"You want to know why?"
"Do tell."
"I don't want to die," Ember said.
Evian paused. Even though she made it sound simple, there was something about how she said it, the quietness of it, the gentle and calm tone, and finally, the sad smile on her lips, that made it anything but simple.
"It's not cowardice," Ember said quickly.
"I never thought it was," Evian told her, "You SHOULD want to live."
Evian watched as her sad smile shifted into a comforted one before she opened her mouth to speak again.
"There's no afterlife-" She started to say,
"You mean YOU don't believe in one." Evian corrected her with a chuckle.
"I don't believe in one because it doesn't exist," Ember retorted, "Anyway when a person dies, that's the end. They're gone forever and only live on in the memories of those they left behind.
My Mother- she lives in my Memories. I feel like, if I die, that'd be it. She'll truly be gone... Does that make sense?"
Evian nodded,
"It does. But what about your Father? Surely she lives on in his memories as well."
"*Sigh* Maybe but I can only be sure about MY memories."
Evian nodded in agreement,
"True," he said.
He started tapping his fingers against the armrests of his chair letting the recent topic simmer seeing as Ember had revealed a somewhat intimate detail but then he saw the pretty redhead pull herself up to grab his wrist to pull him toward herself.
The moment Evian's back hit the bed, Ember stretched a leg over his waist before wrapping her arm around him to hold him close while she placed her head on his chest all in her quest for intimacy.
Evian placed a hand on her back and rubbed gently and after a few minutes enjoying the touch, Ember spoke again,
"I want to join the Martial Temple," she said quietly, "They provide the best resources and the best exposure. It would do me a lot of good."
"That's- certainly an idea," Evian said gently.
Ember smiled and gripped him even tighter,
"What about you?" she asked, "What are your plans after?"
Evian sighed,
"I've not really decided."
He wasn't lying or being cagey. He truly didn't have his future planned besides a desire to eventually explore beyond Verdelen City.
"You'll leave here soon, won't you?" Ember asked as she snuggled into his chest. 'Here' obviously referring to her room.
"I will," Evian answered simply.
Once it was a polite time for visitation, he planned to leave the Lockheart Mansion as stealthily as he had entered and set off for the Renan Estate.
Ember sighed and smiled,
"That's alright," she said, "At least you'll give a polite goodbye this time."
Evian chuckled and kissed the top of her head,
"I certainly will."
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