The System Mistook Me for a Cat

It must be said that Hang Ling had chosen an eye-catching title, and many viewers clicked just to see how this "cat-catching master" managed to catch cats barehanded... Moreover, being both new (hinting at being a novice) and underage, it certainly created quite a buzz.

One viewer clicked on the video because of this sensational title—

But he wasn't an ordinary viewer. He was also a content creator with over 600,000 followers, with the ID "Qiao Hu Observes the World". His fans respectfully called him Big Eyes Qiao, because whenever he saw outrageous videos, his eyes would widen dramatically.

Big Eyes Qiao's account specialized in watching videos with exaggerated titles, and he often clicked on promotional videos. His traffic came from live-streaming his reactions to these outrageous videos and roasting them. He became famous for his sharp tongue and meme-worthy comments.

Modern viewers are interesting. They can clearly distinguish between promotional accounts and normal video titles, and they know that those exaggerated titles are just to attract normal people to click, either to leave comments or to argue. But they still get drawn in by the videos... This is probably just human curiosity at work.

So Big Eyes Qiao accumulated this kind of influence. People gathered in his live stream to roast videos. At first, he only focused on promotional accounts, but the results were too unstable, as the live stream's effect depended entirely on the quality of the promotional videos. So later, he also started live-streaming his reactions to videos with exaggerated titles but made by ordinary content creators—he euphemistically called it "fact-checking."

Sometimes it was just exaggeration, but sometimes he could actually catch something, like videos about whitening, face-slimming, fitness progress reports... There were often fakes made to sell promotions. Whenever he saw these, Big Eyes Qiao's little eyeballs would light up, knowing a wave of traffic was coming.

But today's live stream hadn't been very effective. Fans came and went, with few giving gifts. Qiao Hu scrolled through his recommendations, feeling a bit anxious. It was at this moment that he saw the new video from Little Sun Hospital.

A few tens of thousands of followers... a cat rescue account... not bad...

Qiao Hu: "The new volunteer is a cat-catching master? And she's a young girl? That's quite interesting, folks. Let's see how amazing this little girl is?"

"Speaking of which, I once rescued a cat stuck in a tree. After struggling to climb up, the cat just gave me a side-eye and jumped down by itself. It was just sunbathing up there and didn't need my help at all!" Qiao Hu smiled wryly. "I have a friend who wanted to adopt a stray cat, but stray cats don't pay him any attention. Every time he feeds them in the neighborhood, they run away and won't come near... So, whenever I see these fellow rescuers going all out to catch cats, sometimes waiting for an entire day, I find it quite admirable."

"Cats" is a very popular topic. Whether people are virtual cat owners or have their own cats at home, humans love to share, and the bullet comments became lively, with everyone talking about their own cats' situations.

At this moment, Qiao Hu was dragging the video progress bar—he was live-streaming his reactions to other people's videos, and the randomly selected videos varied in length. Qiao Hu always dragged to the climax first, and only if he found it truly interesting would he go back and watch (and roast) the entire video as per the audience's request.

As he finished speaking, he dragged the three-minute-plus video to around two minutes and forty seconds, which happened to be the scene where Chu Tingwu entered with cat food, and all the cats gathered around.

Qiao Hu deliberately sighed: "So it's not catching cats in the wild, but indoors."

"And... these cats have already been tamed by the creator, right?"

He felt that this video probably wasn't very interesting. What's so hard about catching house cats? Just call them a couple of times and they'll come over for a cuddle... right?

"Whoa!"

In the frame, a solidly built orange cat suddenly leaped out, like an oversized orange mouse, leaving only a blur in the frame. In the next frame, the video's protagonist, whose face wasn't shown, stepped back and raised her hand, gripping the orange cat by the neck.

But at this point, she was actually supporting it from underneath. In the next second, she smoothly supported the cat's hind legs with one hand, then tucked it under her arm.

[Did anyone see that clearly?]

[Wait, with one hand? How is that possible? My 12-pound chonker would probably break bones at this point... I mean, my bones would break!]

[Is the cat okay? Can you hold it like that? Won't its jaw dislocate?]

Does that cat even have a jaw?

Qiao Hu paused the video deliberately to let everyone vent their desire to comment, then glanced at the bullet comments before playing the video again.

Sure enough, the Little Sun Hospital account's operator had provided a slow-motion replay of this scene—

So they could now see clearly that Chu Tingwu's "neck grip-leg support" move was actually broken down. She absorbed the impact when she gripped the orange cat's neck, then lifted the big cat up slightly. Her wrist naturally slid down, stabilizing the center of gravity while limiting the orange cat's strength. Viewers could see the cat's flesh jiggling with that "lift," and the cat was cursing with full vigor, clearly not having any issues.

What was even more shocking was that Chu Tingwu's other hand was still holding the bowl, and the arm that appeared in the video was extremely steady from start to finish, without the slightest shake.

Qiao Hu exclaimed: "Folks, this set of moves must have been practiced, right? The little sister's hands are too steady. Is that even a cat in the frame? It's a 0.02-ton truck. This really is an expert—"

And then, Chu Tingwu's series of movements—separating cats, mediating fights, grabbing necks, baring teeth (she bared her teeth at the cats)—were all smooth and fluid. You could see that the originally chaotic group of cats was immediately tamed, and they even came over to lick her one by one, making the audience and Qiao Hu laugh.

Mainly because Chu Tingwu's movements and voice were so natural, giving the feeling of a big cat entering a group of cats, with the other cats retreating and bowing their heads. It's quite rare to see this kind of quality in a human.

And although the cats obeyed, they were also very close to her... Of course, the audience didn't know that this was because she still had the scent of a kitten. So from Chu Tingwu's perspective, they felt that she was not only a cat-catching master but also a "cat-taming master."

Cat owners were thoroughly impressed.

Qiao Hu laughed: "Folks, let's start from the beginning and see what's really going on with this little sister, shall we?"

["Hello everyone, I'm Little Hang. Today is the second day since Three-Five-Five was adopted, but as everyone knows, Three-Five-Five's injuries haven't healed yet, so the adopter hasn't taken Three-Five-Five home. But our adopter has decided to come every day to see Three-Five-Five and help take care of these familiar cats. Thus begins our kind adopter's summer volunteer journey..."]

Hang Ling introduced Three-Five-Five's situation in a few sentences, showed its recovery progress, added a few dozen seconds of Chu Tingwu making cat food, emphasizing how delicious the cat food smelled, and then it got to the content that Qiao Hu and the others had seen. The three-minute video was short but had a complete structure with introduction, development, turning point, and climax.

Qiao Hu widened his eyes: "Is it really—that delicious?"

[Is that the point, Old Qiao? Speaking of which, can stray cats really be this friendly? Just for a meal?]

[Big Eyes! Go check out the cat food video link in the comments section, quick!]

[My intuition tells me you've struck gold, Big Eyes. That cat food video... anyway, you'll regret not watching it!]

[The previous video about Three-Five-Five's adoption is also worth a look, I mean, worth watching. I just finished it, it's quite interesting. Old Qiao, check if it's real!]

Qiao Hu: "?"

Following the audience's suggestion, he first opened the only video on the "Ah Chu and Three Five Five" account. After playing for just half a minute, he was greatly shocked:

This level of technical skill? This voiceover? This character design?

"I don't believe there's no company behind this," he said. "Folks, it's getting interesting—look at Little Sun's video, then look at Ah Chu's video. Don't you feel the styles are completely different? Is this the kind of editing that can be done in just a day or two? Is this something that can be filmed without a tripod? This must be a premeditated new account to drive traffic."

"It's not genuine."

"If you want to promote a new account and make money through product endorsements, that's normal, but why use cats as a gimmick?" Qiao Hu reopened the video of Chu Tingwu grabbing a cat. "And what kind of cat food could make a cat love it so much? I'm afraid the cat was probably starved for half a day to create such an effect."

He didn't immediately say things like "fraud," "animal abuse," or "minor complicit in staging," but the implications were strong, which was really...

"The new account Ah Chu's video effects are too good. As someone who has edited videos, I know that this level of technical skill combined with this speed is not achievable by ordinary people... Ah, this is a huge loophole."

As for spending tens of thousands or even over a hundred thousand to urgently find a big-name expert in the industry... what for? So this possibility only crossed Qiao Hu's mind for a moment before disappearing.

He excitedly said, "No rush, wait for me to produce a rigorous debunking video for you all."

He ended his livestream.

Meanwhile, Hang Ling and Lizi had just gotten off the car with a net bag, and Chu Tingwu was standing beside the car holding Three-Five-Five, not approaching for the moment.

The white cat nicknamed "One Dot Black" was about five meters above them diagonally in front, in the corner of a second-floor platform, with only its rear end visible. The family who had asked for help in the group chat had moved a mattress underneath to prevent the cat from jumping down in excitement.

Hang Ling asked the people seeking help to stand on the first floor holding the four corners of a large net to cushion the impact if the cat jumped down. Then the two of them went up to the second floor, deciding to use a cat fishing rod to lure the cat in through the window.

The cat fishing rod had a loop at the end. The mechanism was to get the cat's head and front legs through the loop, then tighten the rope to secure the body, and finally stuff it into a sack. But cats aren't humans—many cats at heights don't realize this is something people use to rescue them, and often won't enter it for hours.

As a newcomer, Chu Tingwu was also assigned a task: to stand at a distance and watch One Dot Black's movements from another angle, in case it suddenly got excited and jumped down.

But One Dot Black showed absolutely no movement.

Hang Ling sighed, "Maybe it's too hungry to move..."

They poked at One Dot Black with the rod, but it just lay under the garbage without any response.

Lizi suggested, "Why don't we lower a cage with some canned food inside to feed it first?"

Lowering a cage at this angle was quite difficult because the platform wasn't directly under the window. There was an empty space below the window, and the platform where One Dot Black lay was two meters away. So the cage would need to be lowered from a higher floor, and retrieving it might require someone to climb onto the platform.

Three-Five-Five's nose twitched, and she suddenly meowed.

Chu Tingwu, who had been looking up at the platform, glanced at her, picked her up, and softly meowed back a couple of times.

Finally, Chu Tingwu waved to Hang Ling, and both human and cat went up to the second floor.

Under Hang Ling's questioning gaze, Chu Tingwu said, "It's weak and timid. Its neck is stuck in a foam board, and it doesn't have the strength to crawl out now."

Hang Ling looked carefully and indeed could vaguely see where One Dot Black's neck met the gap in the foam board. It had likely crawled into some square foam board and then been trapped by something pressing down from above.

"Then we can only hire a high-altitude operation vehicle. We'll have to climb up there ourselves to help it out."

The good news was that the cat wouldn't jump down now. The bad news was that the budget would exceed expectations again.

Chu Tingwu said, "How about letting me try?"

Chu Tingwu: "Hang Ling, that expression... I'm not going to jump up there, I'm not stupid."

Three-Five-Five called out in her smoky voice, as if she thought these humans were talking too much. Then, she leaped onto the windowsill, arched her back, and—to Hang Ling's shock—jumped forward.

Three-Five-Five easily landed on the platform two meters away where One Dot Black was trapped.