BXBX NOVEL Chapter 60 – Regret (4)
Chapter 60 – Regret (4)
Another week passed.
From the wide-open window, the chirping of birds could be heard.
The rustling of leaves brushing against each other in the wind.
The murmuring of the stream flowing by.
Even the weak chirping of grasshoppers.
Isabel stared out the window with unfocused eyes.
She lifted her head.
Fluffy cotton clouds rose into the clear blue sky… the weather was impeccable, to say the least.
The midday sun shone brightly, colorful spring flowers bloomed on the damp ground, and the ridges of mountains stood tall beyond the horizon.
It’s funny to say this, but everything was so peaceful.
As if she were the only one in the world who had experienced Kyle’s death.
“……”
The landscape before her eyes.
The occasional pouring rain.
The acacia scent piercing her nose.
Nothing had changed.
Despite the time that had passed, Kyle’s body showed no signs of decay.
She had clearly seen Kyle take his own life.
She had confirmed with her own eyes that Kyle’s body was growing cold.
Yet Kyle… remained there, unrotting, unchanged.
Yes.
The only thing that changed was herself.
That’s why she couldn’t give up.
She couldn’t… bring herself… to arrange Kyle’s funeral with her own hands.
The faint hope she clung to gradually wore down with repeated despair.
It was unbearably horrifying.
If this was the punishment given to her, it was as effective as it could get.
“…Kyle.”
Isabel muttered weakly with a cracked voice.
Tears, which she thought had dried up completely, started to well up again.
“Please… open your eyes…”
She could only shed tears, overwhelmed by Kyle’s lingering scent in the air.
“I… I was wrong…”
Isabel begged for forgiveness until her voice was gone.
But no response came.
Her vision blurred again, and she had to wipe her eyes.
No matter how much she screamed, her insides ached.
She could neither seek forgiveness nor receive punishment.
The only person who could judge her had already taken his own life.
Kyle still didn’t open his eyes.
An eternity of silence ensued.
She wished someone would just kill her.
Isabel sobbed weakly, head bowed.
Yesterday.
Today.
And tomorrow.
Even for her, this punishment was too much.
****
She had a nightmare.
Or should it be called a nightmare?
It was sweet to be a nightmare, and too excruciating to be a good dream.
Isabel dreamt of Kyle every single day.
Today was no different.
A garden under the midday sun.
In the dream, Kyle looked anxiously at a woman.
After a moment, Kyle took a deep breath and mustered the courage to offer a ring.
And at the same time, he whispered to her with a deeply flushed face.
— I missed you, Isabel.
— Please, accept this.
Me too.
I missed you too.
But.
— Cut the delusion! The very thought of being engaged to someone like you is revolting!
The woman, wearing her own face, shouted at Kyle after receiving the ring.
She shot a sharp gaze and spoke in a commanding voice.
Kyle was visibly bewildered, not knowing what to do.
At that moment, the scene changed abruptly.
— The ring?
— Oh, that.
— I threw it away. It was a nuisance.
Kyle’s heavy eyelids trembled pitifully.
It was dreadful. She wanted to tear apart the woman’s mouth that spouted such lies.
No, Kyle.
That’s a lie.
I never…
I never threw away the ring you gave me…
— It would have been better if someone like you had never been born.
She couldn’t breathe.
A tear rolled down Kyle’s bloodless cheek.
— Go to hell, Kyle Winfred.
Please.
Please shut up.
The person who should go to hell is me.
How dare you speak like that.
Thick self-hatred surged.
She wanted to drive a knife into the woman’s neck and twist it hard.
— I’ve always wondered.
— Why does God let someone like you live?
The woman handed Kyle a cup of poisoned tea.
Kyle, staring at the cup blankly, smiled and then drank it.
— Cough.
Kyle, poisoned, spat out dark blood.
The dizzying scent of blood hit her.
The woman, watching Kyle writhing in pain, shed tears.
Then she murmured.
— I curse you.
That dreadful phrase spread like ripples.
And at that moment.
“…”
Her tightly closed eyes snapped open.
The familiar ceiling came into her blurred view.
She didn’t want to get up.
She just wanted to pass out like this.
Her pillow was wet.
Her eyes were hot, suggesting she had cried again.
There was no sense of reality.
She wished she could just melt away with her flowing tears.
Then, a familiar voice came.
“…My Lady.”
It was her maid, Erica.
She looked at Isabel’s half-ruined face and asked softly.
“Did you have a nightmare?”
A nightmare, a nightmare…
I don’t even know anymore.
Was that a nightmare, or a reflection of lingering regrets?
“I… what should I do…”
Isabel began to cry aloud and leaned against Erica, who was sitting by the bed.
“I don’t know what to do…”
A voice, hoarse and cracked, came out from her dry lips.
Incoherent mutterings.
“I never thought I’d be this powerless… I truly want to apologize… but now I can’t even do that…”
Erica, at a loss for words, looked down at Isabel.
She was gasping for breath, pleading as she cried.
To her, who was merely a maid, not family or a friend.
“It’s because of me… I said he should go to hell… I cursed Kyle…”
Isabel clutched her chest.
She had been mad, out of her mind, when she said those things.
The person who should be cursed is me.
The person who should go to hell is me.
Not knowing this, I arrogantly caused him pain.
Even after returning to the past, instead of reflecting, I pushed Kyle to the brink.
The unbearable weight of these memories filled her lungs.
Every breath felt like a blade stabbing her chest.
“One more time… I want to go back… I should have died… No, someone like me shouldn’t have been born…”
Isabel couldn’t finish her sentence.
She tried to swallow the heat rising from her throat but eventually spat it out.
When did I first start liking Kyle?
When did we look at each other, shyly smile, and whisper happiness to each other…
Memories stored in the corner of her mind rotted and scattered.
Huff—
A sound close to a gasp escaped her.
The regret she had forcibly suppressed burst out with her hot breath.
“Sorry… I’m sorry…”
Her face, covered in snot and tears, was grotesquely twisted.
Even at the sight of such an unsightly face, Erica couldn’t bring herself to laugh.
It was painful.
Witnessing the desperate cries of the lady she had served all her life made her stomach churn.
“It’s me… I’m the disgusting one…”
Isabel, sobbing, soon began to laugh weakly.
“Lady… My Lady…!”
No matter how many times Erica shook the hysterical Isabel, she just burst into laughter.
“Ah… Aaah…”
Crying, laughing, pulling at her hair.
Then suddenly, she caught sight of her own face in the mirror.
She was repulsed.
She felt so disgustingly filthy that she almost vomited.
“Ugh…!”
Even then, the tears wouldn’t stop.
Even the tears running down her nose smelled of decay.
And then she realized.
The deeply ingrained stench wouldn’t disappear unless she died.
****
Luna lifted her heavy eyelids under the glaring sunlight.
“…”
A world without Kyle felt as if everything had come to a halt.
The dreadful silence was painful.
“Kyle.”
She had mobilized the family’s resources to trace Kyle, but even after weeks, they found no trace of him.
As if he had evaporated from the spot, all traces of Kyle disappeared from the Papal See.
“Where did you go?”
She missed him terribly.
Hope had just begun to appear.
Kyle had finally started calling her sister.
“…Haa.”
With all traces cut off, there was only one possibility left.
Kyle had gone to the Eastern Continent with Isabel’s help.
It’s okay.
Perhaps it was an unavoidable choice to escape the Imperial Palace’s eyes.
She just had to leave for the Eastern Continent at sunrise tomorrow.
Then she could see Kyle again.
At that moment.
Knock knock—
A familiar knock echoed in the air.
“Lady Luna.”
The old butler entered the room and spoke.
“You have a visitor.”
“A visitor?”
“Yes, someone named Diana…”
“…What?”
Diana, a promising knight from a commoner background who would become the Commander of the Imperial Knights, and the one who had once guarded Kyle.
It was a name she remembered well.
Luna opened her eyes wide and commanded.
“Show her in.”
How many minutes passed?
As the old butler had said, a familiar, beautiful, short-haired female knight stood at the front gate.
Covered in dirt and mud, she looked like a beggar.
She stared at her with unfocused eyes.
Like someone whose mind had collapsed.
And then, after a moment.
The knight delivered an unbelievable message.
“Master… is dead.”