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We were excited as for the very first time our wishes for the future aligned together we both wanted it not just one of us. Yes, I was at times weaker than most females with a fragile body but training here with Phobos had made me physically strong and toned. The baby fat had dissolved over the months and was replaced by lean muscles and I thought that change would aid me to bear a pup...I was sure of it! But the moon despised me she loathed me with a passion for she had decided to condemn me my whole life.

First, my male had recklessly abandoned me and our bond and I had to live in excruciating torment for many years to come until he came for me and now my womb has forsaken me for I can no longer carry a pup. What had I done? What unpardonable sins had I committed to receive such a heartless punishment from the moon? I could not find my answers no matter how much I searched for them. I was left in the dark by the one I worshipped just as she always did with me, I was her least favoured female at the bottom of the hierarchy.

The last six months have been extremely challenging, the second we returned home I had retreated to my room seeking comfort not from my male but from the four walls of my den. I couldn\'t look at Phobos I was filled with guilt and shame and...unworthiness. I had never once felt unworthy in my life not even when he left me when I was eighteen but under his recent gaze, I shuddered and could barely meet his searching orbs. How could I ever be his moon blessed, this pack\'s Luna if I cannot give them a future heir?

My male strived to converse with me during the first two months but my door was always bolted shut I had completely blocked him out, I was afraid absolutely terrified of having that conversation with him. The way he looked when I had told him the truth of my barrenness at the lantern festival tore me apart shredded my organs and left me bleeding to death. In a way it felt like I betrayed him and that drowned me in freezing waters until my lungs could not hold out any more. I was suffocating.

But Phobos would not let me fade away in peace as I wished for one morning having had enough of my absence and my locked room he burst into my den and tore apart the door in a rage, his chest heaved as he set those flaming blues of his on my tear-stained cheeks. He told me that he would offer me a choice that I could either drift away into nothing sitting in my doorless room or I could come out and allow him to hold me and share his light with me. That we could try to do something about my womb and hope for a better future.

It took me a while to make that choice and he was patient to give me my time. The second I hesitantly departed the bitter cold room I was met by his warm smile and wide open arms that welcomed me and I had run into them, I had mourned into them. When we had collapsed to the floor my male held me tightly to his chest rocking us as I wailed shrilly my heart unable to bear the agony of my truth and he soothed me. He spoke to my soul and it awoke from the dead to the reassuring words of its mate.

Phobos had calmed his grief on his own without the support of another, that was how strong he was and he did so genuinely for one reason, so he would be able to give himself to me whole and I absorbed his light sucked every bit of it from him and he willingly gave all of it to me. Thinking back it was questionable for how could we as mates mourn the loss of something we never had?

Yet as time progressed with an uncomfortable slowness and winter was born I was grateful that he did not need to leave our grounds for the winter hunt this year for I would not have survived if he left me here for another seven months. Furthermore, our relationship had evolved both in a good way and bad.

When it came to the good part Phobos grew more protective of me, more caring and handled me with utter gentleness which often pacified my storm. He never left me alone in our cabin took me out on plenty of mid-day adventures and cute little dates as well. He kept my mind constantly occupied and intentionally wore out my body so I would sleep peacefully the second my head settled upon the pillow. Moreover, I grew more dependent on him. I needed him glued to my side and could not bear even a little coldness.

When it came to the bad it was purely just one issue...my male had ceased touching me. We hadn\'t had sex in six months he would never initiate it either no matter how often aroused he found himself to be.

Some early mornings when I drowsily sought after his heat beside me on our bed and found it to be empty I would sit up frantically searching for him only to be greeted with his hoarse grunts and groans of pleasure echoing from the bathroom as he jerked himself off. It bothered me because I wanted to be fucked, I wanted to be eaten for I myself had steadily found myself to be aroused in reaction to Vdce\'s private treatment for infertility. A drink that I had to take once every week. It was that unfathomable need that surged within me to absorb his seed as soon as I drank her medicine but how would a mere potion increase my chances of pregnancy if my male wouldn\'t fuck me?

He kept himself on a leash and maintained some distance between us at times if he found he was losing control. I wanted him to lose control to ravage me like a beast but he would never attempt to do so which provoked me further. I did not know what to do I could not ask him either for there was some tension between us when it came to the topic of my infertility we never spoke about it swept it under the rug as though it was a thunderstorm that would pass soon. But I ache to know his thoughts, to know what he thinks about our future.

"Theia," Phobos calls out my name softly from the kitchen as I nervously chew on my lower lip studying my body in the mirror whilst tugging at my baggy knitted sweater that I requested Moira to make for me a few weeks ago. It is an unusual sweater indeed, it has my shoulders and the upper swell of my full breasts bared to sight and stops on my mid thighs my legs unveiled. This is rather a sort of plan to seduce him, to make him lose control and take me. I do not know if it will work for he is truly the master of restraint but there is no harm in trying.

Timidly I saunter out the chamber towards the sofa keeping my steps quiet a sense of bashfulness overwhelming me. "Yes?" I ask waiting for the one who has his back turned to me to meet with my eyes.

"Why did you not consume Vdce\'s drink today?" There is a mild sternness carried in the tone of his voice as though he is reprimanding me, I visibly shiver swallowing thirstily as I observe the way his back muscles flex to his movement of mixing the powder she delivered into clear water. Even the smallest of his actions his dominating tone has my cunt moisten leaking out my bodily fluid.

"She provided me with a new one last week. It makes my abdomen hurt too much and the taste of it makes me nauseous so I was a bit worried to take it today." Even though the drink has been altered it still makes me so very wet and fills me up with raw hunger to swallow up his cock.

"You need to take this just for one or two more months, Theia. And once you are finished perhaps things shall change." Not only am I fed with the medicine four times a month but my diet has changed there are a lot of things I am forced to eat and my favourite meals have been cut off from my plate. Phobos is very strict with me and obediently follows the healer\'s every advice.

When my male whirls around with the wooden cup in his hand and his cool blues land on my heated flesh there is an audible hitch of his breath that pleases me, I affect him he cannot deny the sizzling flare of our bond that wraps its arms around us. Six months of not touching me lewdly of not being inside my damp walls must torture him as it does with me. This sweater is just a small push in the right direction.

His violently tremoring left palm holds onto the kitchen counter for dear life his knuckles turning white his breath harshening as he takes in deep breaths in an effort to tranquillize himself. A war he is fighting within himself a war I want him to lose.

My chest begins to heave with endless desire as I keenly watch the way his ocean blues darken and his nose flares with a compulsive need to fuck me as his orbs glide down from my stripped shoulders my voluptuous breasts that sneakily peek out from the collar of the sweater and halts to caress my quivering thighs. It feels as though he is stripping me bare with those fiery eyes of his that immobilize me.

"Moira made this sweater for me for the winter. Do you not like it?" I ask innocently striving to hide the want in my voice. He does like it, he likes it very much. He disregards my question and walks around me towards the couch to perch down upon it.

"Come here."

Gulping down my excitement I stroll towards him swaying my hips deliberately and he struggles to breathe as he watches its sensuous movements. Sitting beside him I grasp onto the cup my fingers brush against his and he startles flinging himself back away from me towards the other edge of the sofa gripping onto the handrest his jaw tensed.

I frown at him not liking his sudden reluctance to my body, it hurts me when he does this. Why must he act like this as though I am too fragile to touch? Or is it that he does not want me anymore? Now that he knows that there is no chance of me bearing an heir any time soon does he not desire to have sex with me at all? Is an heir the only reason he held me?

"Drink it all to the last drop." He says turning his gaze away from me to stare at the front door. He won\'t even look at me. "Once you are done wear something warmer, the sweater you are wearing does not seem to do the job."

"I do feel warm, Phobos," I whisper taking a big gulp of the drink scrunching my nose up disgusted by its taste whilst he leans back upon the couch spreading his legs settling his arms wide upon the headrest getting comfortable. There is tiredness in his eyes that he tries to conceal from me, the past six months have not been easy for us. He has been continually switching between duties of an Alpha and duties of a mate, it makes it harder for him due to my dependency.. I often seem to cling to him for he is all I have but I am concerned that he finds me to be too much work.